99) Physical Emotions In OBEs

3/13/09

There has been much turmoil in my life over the past few weeks and as usual, my ability to remember my travels OOB diminishes. I know I am still having my usual frequent exits, however, no matter how I try, the conscious recall of the event fades very quickly when fully awake.

What is interesting is that I can recall trying to remember details while being out with my usual technique of word associations, but every time, once fully awake and back in the ‘real world’, there is no memory left except knowing I was out.

This last experience I am sharing here mainly because I feel it was unusual in my ability to ‘physically’ feel not only texture, but also emotions! Up to this time, I have learned quite well to ‘control’ my emotional responses to anything I encountered, knowing that any extreme emotional response (other than love/happiness) will end my travels. This time, there were physical sensations and emotions that caused even more loss of control and lack of accomplishment within the experience.

There were multiple exits this night, but unfortunately there are few details except for the following. The first time I became aware of my readiness to separate, I easily rolled out, but found myself standing in darkness, barely able to move! I remember calling out for a friend (NJ), in an attempt to move. But for some reason I was immediately back in body, but quickly feeling the readiness to separate sensation.

I rolled out for the second time, and with my “to the door!” affirmation, I started moving but with extreme difficulty! I felt so heavy and so sluggish; I just wanted to get to the door as quickly as possible. I recall seeing my dog Buddy watching me, so I called for him to come with me. I felt concerned and upset for some reason.

It was still dark and I couldn’t see well, so I made a beeline for the front door feeling every texture change as I passed through the different pieces of furniture in my hurry to get outside. (I realize now that with my regular OBEs, I would normally take the usual ‘path’ around the furniture as I do in physical, but this time I was so intent on getting outside, I just moved straight to the door through the furniture!)

Again, I could sharply feel the texture change as I passed through the front door, and I remember standing in my front yard, now feeling the ‘tingle’ of raindrops falling! I recall I was surprised to discover that it was raining!

Suddenly, I found myself back in body, for the third time with the signal to separate. Again, I moved to the front door and outside, still very heavy and barely able to see. This time, I remember feeling the rain drops ‘tingle’ once again, and decided I would try to fly. Again no success with my usual quick take off, so this time I thought maybe I could at least ‘lift and drift’, moving slowly. Thankfully, I was pleased to discover I was lifting gently, but once again, I didn’t get far before finding myself back into body.

I also remember that a few times being out with these first experiences of the night, that I tried desperately to ‘see’ more clearly (as I did not remember to us my ‘Clarity now!’ affirmation.) Instead I remember trying to ‘physically’ open my eyes and I recall that it felt as though I WAS opening them for real! But with the realization that I was seeing ‘too much light’ AND feeling them physically opening, I quickly closed them and continued with the experience.

The last outing of the night began with another ‘false awakening’ that I was at least aware of enough to let it continue. I could hear my stepson and a few of his friends come into the living room directly to the couch where I was sleeping! One sat in the chair next to me, and the others were talking and milling around, paying no attention to me sleeping next to them!

I remember I tried to make a few movements and small noises to let them know I was there (as I am never sure when a false awakening occurs - but felt fairly sure this one was!) One friend even tried to pull the covers off of me, and remember having to grab them back to let them know I was there!

The group moves into the kitchen, and I am rather upset to think the friends were invited over without my knowledge. I realize by now this is definitely a false awakening, and I’m curious so I take this time to easily roll out of body to follow them!

I watched them for a time, while standing outside the kitchen, but then decided I wanted to make contact so I moved into the kitchen and around the lunch counter. I am now trying to make noise to get their attention, and I know I am talking but they are not hearing me!
I recall hearing my ‘voice’, having it sound like a dull “ wah,wah,wah”, and coming out unintelligible.

I realize I am not getting anywhere, I am feeling very frustrated, upset, and unable to think properly. Knowing these are emotions I have to control, I try to send ‘love’, but the best I can muster is ‘gratitude’. (I really don’t know what this means, but that’s what I recorded, so that’s what I’m writing!)

I move back to the dining room area, with the realization I was going to lose the experience, and now feeling quite physically ill and nauseous! Trying to prolong the OOB experience, I tried the little spin and affirmation “to my higher self!” but this spinning only made me more nauseous!!! I have never ever experienced such physical sensations while being OOB before!

I am not sure what is happening with me, so I decide to end the experience intentionally, something else I have never done before! I think directly of my physical body (which was easy since I was feeling such intense physical emotions!) and was able to return quickly.

I know this isn’t much of an experience to share, as I felt was not fully functioning and my emotions seemed to be out of control. However, there were some differences I ‘felt’ from my usual exits, so I thought I’d write this one.

I will share with everyone, however, what I did discover soon after that night’s experiences. That same time that I was OOB, my friend NJ was experiencing some intense emotional upset that I feel I may have somehow picked up on!

There is no way to firmly validate this connection, however, the time and sensations seem to ‘fit’ and since my intention that night was to visit with him, perhaps I shared this turmoil and became more ‘emotional’ and therefore less functioning.

98) Controlling Fear, Sending Love

I moved to the couch about 3am with the intention of attempting to travel. My first recollection was not one of a direct OBE, but it seemed to relate to the general theme of the night’s events so I am writing that here as well.

I found myself in a local shopping mall parking lot at night, looking for a parking space. I notice many other cars there, all trying to squeeze into spots available. I park my car, and start walking toward the building when I notice that the lights are out and I can barely see!

I know I saw a curb and avoided that, trying to remain in the roadway. It became pitch black, and I became aware of others walking near me as I could hear them talking. I sensed a bit of fear, because I didn’t know who these people were and then became aware of ‘hearing’ my own thoughts!

I heard the words, ‘fear’ and ‘bad guy’ and felt like someone was coming after me! I was being forced to the ground, but amazingly I kept under control and just went with the flow, not fighting anything because somehow I ‘knew’ I could not be hurt! The entire experience faded with that thought…and I awoke.

Getting back to sleep with the intention of travel again, I now find myself in full vibrations, knowing I can separate. I roll out as usual, but this time it is the difficult separation in that I felt so heavy and out of control. I could barely move, and it was only with strong affirmations of “to the door!” that I moved to the dining room.

I stopped because I thought I heard someone say something, and asked, “Is anyone there?” I received no response and decided to just move outdoors as I didn’t feel ‘stable’ enough to maintain much of this experience. In hindsight, however, it may have been the man you will read about at the end of this experience.

Moving outdoors, I see the familiar trees in my yard and it gives me validation that I am out. (Despite my frequent OBE’s, I still feel reassured when I see things that validate my experience!) Without a specific destination planned, I use my preferred ‘to my higher self!’ affirmation to go wherever my spirit feels I will learn best.

I zoom up to the dark sky, seeing tiny dots of white lights in the blackness as I move forward. It changes to the sensation of the backward black tunnel – and it continues for quite a while! When it stops, though, I find myself once again back on the couch, feeling like I’m awake!

With hesitating, I just roll back off the couch and once again, find it is heavy and difficult to move. Affirming ‘to the door!’ I move to the front door and still find my movements difficult and not as clear as they can be.

I move to the front yard and still feeling heavy and ‘grounded’ as I lie on the soft grass. Looking up, I see my parent’s house next door, and decide I’d like to just go see what’s going on over there. However, no amount of affirmations or intentions made me move!

As I’m lying there, I’m wondering what’s happening? I look to my hands and see they are ‘glowing’, signaling and validating that I am indeed out of body, just hindered in my movements.

I spy a bit of paper lying near me and I start to pick up the long strip of paper, wondering “what is this for?” It appears to be EKG paper (familiar strips of long paper I use regularly at work in the hospital) and as I move to pick the continuous strip of paper up, I notice it is wrapped completely around my house, from end to end!!

My thoughts at that time were that somehow it was showing me that this experience would be ‘work-related’, but I am still not sure how it is. I also remember thinking, “I can’t let experience go too long as I need to record it”, but then decided I didn’t do too much, so I wouldn’t stop the experience yet!

As I realize there is just too much paper here to pick up, I let go of it…only to find myself immediately back in body on the couch! Thinking I’m awake, but not being sure, I am able to roll out and once again find myself standing in the living room.

This time it was an easy roll out, and I even remember thinking, ‘wow, third time’s the charm!’ As I begin to move away, I am aware of someone standing just behind me, off to my right.

I see the dark shape of a man, with a growling ‘zombie-like’ voice that says, “Give me more medicine now!” He grabs both my hands and holds them tight!

Somehow I am able to maintain control of my fear, even though I’m backing up to move away! I know I can’t be hurt, but it was an intense ‘sound’ to his voice, and the ‘physical’ grasp of his hands was very real!

He repeated “Give me more medicine now!” and I remember thinking I have to do something, but what? So I say, “Go to the Light!” (Not really knowing why I said this!) He continues to hold my hands and growl, so I reaffirm, “go to the Light!”

I have the ‘knowing’ that there is more I need to do, but I cannot think clearly enough to remember with this very real sensation of physical touch. So I add, “go to the Light NOW!” hoping that this would help, only to realize as he released my hands that I should have sent him Love!

I believe this experience was a learning one to show me that I still need some help in remembering that it is Love that conquers all fear! I am able to control the fear, and maintain the experience, however, I need to also remember that in order to help, and I have to send Love in return.

These experiences with fear, both my own created thoughts of fear (as in the parking lot) and actual fear with ‘close’ encounters were given to show me that in order to move ahead, I must learn to emanate Love to all I meet.

William Buhlman Workshops - Please go!

I thought I’d take the time to make sure those of you who are really interested in learning how to dreamwalk and travel out of body are aware of the upcoming workshops to be held by my mentor, Mr. William Buhlman, author of Adventures Beyond the Body and Secrets of the Soul.

As you know, I attended one of his workshops and it was one of the best experiences I ever had! I highly recommend those who are able to attend to do so, you won’t regret it! It may even help you move ahead with your own experiences, just as it did with mine!

See my blog posts #20 and #21 for more details as to what the workshop incorporates and for the OBE I had during that workshop!

If you can, please go!
Be sure to tell Mr. Buhlman, as you will get a chance to talk to him personally, that Karen sent you! :)

Below are the workshop sites and dates, and you can follow this link to find the contact information and more details: http://www.astralinfo.org/upcomingevents.htm

PLEASE GO IF YOU CAN! ...and remember, Karen sent you!

WILLAM BUHLMAN’S
Adventures Beyond the Body Workshops

BOULDER, COLORADO
The Avalon 6185 Arapahoe Rd. Boulder, CO
Located at the base of the Flatirons in the Rocky Mountain Front Range
March 20-22, 2009

SEDONA, ARIZONA
Sedona Masonic Lodge, 135 Shrine Road, Sedona, Arizona
A wonderful location situated in the scenic heart of Sedona
April 17-19, 2009

South American Workshop
CARACAS, VENEZUELA
San Antonio de los Altos, Vía Amarillo, Calle Sur 1, Los Pinitos Villa Rafols, Estado Miranda, Venezuela
May 8-10, 2009

LYON, FRANCE
A wonderful B&B location situated in the scenic rolling hills of southern France.
June 13-14, 2009

ROME, ITALY
A great location near the Forum in the heart of Rome
June 20-21. 2009

97) NJ connection-Father of five-Jonathan-Rocket-Rapids/slide/work

2/15/09

For this experience, I had set the intention of trying to ‘real time’ connect with NJ and seeing if we were able to send/receive any images, energy, etc. and to have another OBE if possible.

I woke about 1:45am and went to the couch, and can say now that I had a great response from the ‘connection’ with NJ – a tremendous amount of energy and images were validated and correlated by him! :)

Next memory is that I remember I was able to climb OOB, feeling that heavy sensation as if close to physical again. It was dark, but I was able to get my vision improved by pulling off whatever I felt I had around my eyes to see again. I moved away from the couch, because I didn’t want to ‘see’ myself on it (knowing I’d go back in!) and moved to the front door.

I passed my dog Buddy, and remember calling to him, ‘let’s go’ thinking he’d like to accompany me. Facing Buddy, but moving backward, I remember figuring it’d be different to float backwards out the front door, so I did!

It was totally dark, but I put out the intention to zoom up and go see the Earth from space again as a primary destination. Somehow, within that blackness of travel, I felt or was told that I had to go where I was needed.

I next became aware of lying back on the couch, listening to some talk, as if a radio station DJ. It was so clear, and because this has been a ‘signal’ that I’m still OOB, I just let go and enjoyed listening to what was being said. However, I have no memory of what he was talking about!

I realized then that someone was lying on the couch next to me, as I could feel strong male arms wrapped around me! He spoke but so softly that I had to ask him to repeat words at times. Enjoying this ‘closeness’, I figured it was a guide (or someone I wanted it to be!) and didn’t try to intervene.

However, upon further realization that our closeness was much too ‘physical’, (as I could remember what it felt like recently to be with one who is more ‘spiritually’ vibrating), I asked, “who’s here with me?” as I moved away from the couch.

I saw a white male, average build, with straggly blond chin-length hair and unshaven face. He appeared to be angry at someone, telling me emphatically about how his brother did something to him (something about a meal?) I had to change his emotions, and upon hearing he had five sons, I asked more about them. His demeanor changed, and he became the proud happy father, telling me their ages (17, 15, 12, 10, ? ) and I could see I had his attention.

I am not really sure how this ended - however, I do know that the ‘door’ in my living room was important in the final outcome. I know he needed help, and I am guessing that I had to get him to realize there was more for him ‘through the door’ so that he’d go and find his way to the Light.

My next recall is that I am back on the couch, and can hear what sounds like the countdown for a rocket take-off! 5 -4-3-2-1…..I could see a matrix of color and light patterns on the ceiling, as if blinking lights and movement, feeling like I’m about to ‘take off’!!!

I hear the words, “a new beginning” “a new phase just starting” or at least something to that effect. I’m thinking how ‘intense’ it all feels, SO much more than the usual false awakening!! It assumed it was a false awakening as I knew I was on the couch, but this intense ‘feeling’ was something new!

Now, my next recollection IS that of a false awakening, as I hear my son coming into the room, yet I know he’s not really here! He moves to the couch where I am and starts tickling me with a feather in my face to try to wake me!! I knew I had to stay with it and just ‘let go’ to see what happens next.

Lying on the couch, I now feel a small hand next to me, knowing it’s a child. I sit up, and see this young boy around age 10. I ask him his name, and he tells me ‘Jonathan’, and then starts telling me how he hates ‘music class’ and other school problems. Again, I know I have to help and I am not sure what to say or do!

I ask him if anyone is here with him or if he saw any Light. Again, I have only the vaguest memory of the ending, as Jonathan then moved to part of the couch where my head would lie, as if looking for something he lost. I could barely hear what he was saying, and my memory of the ending is lost at this point. I would hope that having Jonathan look for something may have been all that was needed to get him to ‘find’ those who were there to help him.

Once again, because all these events have now passed, I’m aware enough to know that I have to get something recorded or all will be lost! I find my recorder, and sure enough, it’s in pieces!! This time, however, I KNOW it’s not true, so I force myself to awaken a bit more and try to find it again.

For a second and even a third time, (!) I found my recorder in pieces, but each time knowing I just had to force myself awake a bit more so that I could record it! Until I woke completely and actually recorded what I could remember, I was so ‘deep’ that I knew I could have moved back into another OBE easily, however, I wanted to have as much as I could recorded!

After recording, I did go back OOB one more time, and this time definitely met my guide who gave me a ‘hand squeeze’ while I was traveling to let me know it was him! I will post here the beginning of the experience, but not its entirety as it had a lot to do with my personal learning and would not be as interesting.

What is interesting about this last experience is how I took control and changed the experiences to fit my needs and move OOB. I remember trying to get back to my ‘car’ (aka body, symbolically I believe) after being somewhere. I found my car sitting in water, as the ice that it had previously been parked on had melted to a great degree!

The only way I was going to get back, was to try to step upon this submerged ‘stone’ in the water, to use as a stepping stone to reach the car. The water was deep, dirty, and murky, and I was fearful of falling into it. (Symbolism for the subconscious (water) and the ‘unclean/unhealthy’ emotions that melted into it?)

Of course, trying to step upon this stone, I did slip and fall completely into the water!! However, instead of panic and fear, I somehow knew that I just had to ‘let go’ once again, and take control. I could feel the water as it seeped up around my head and ears, and decided I was not going to stay here! I made the intention that this water was river rapids to get some movement going.

The movement started and the clean bubbling water was so refreshing and fun! Now the movement became faster and I sat up as if on a slide, enjoying the swaying and swishing fun that a long mountainous slide would give me!

This is where I became aware of arms around me again, and as I put my arms up to enjoy the ride (like you see on roller coasters!), I grabbed the hands of the one behind me and he gave me this ‘knowing’ squeeze as if to let me know that all is going to be ok! This one was definitely my guide or another close spiritual friend!

We had so much fun on the slide, and at the bottom when it was time to ‘shoot off’ the end of it, there was such an intense energy shift that my guide/friend had to hold on tight to me to prevent my separation from him! The experience then changed to one that gave me a personal message of learning, which appropriately fits the beginning symbolism of this experience.

Thanks for hanging in and reading this long one...my experiences have certainly been kicked up a notch in their intensity and degree of learning. I hope by sharing these experiences, everyone who reads these can also know that they too CAN do this!

I am no one special, with the same abilities as everyone...the first step is always just taking note of what you remember in your 'dreams' and and write/record them! After a while you become 'aware' that you are dreaming while in it, and that's when you take control!

As always, any insight is greatly appreciated!!

96a) Plane Crash Update!

I thought I should put a post here after hearing of the horrible plane crash in my home state of New York near Buffalo (about a 6 hour drive from my house) - In reading the news releases I am astounded at the similarity of this crash and my description from 2/1/09:

I ‘awoke’ from sleep, watching a small airplane move past my window followed by a much larger passenger jet that was very low to the ground! I was concerned because I ‘felt’ something was wrong and watched in horror as this large passenger jet made a sharp turn and began a nose-dive to the ground!

I became even MORE concerned when I realized how close this airliner was going to crash, almost in my front yard! Now it is interesting what I did next – I was lying in bed, thinking it is early morning nearly time to get up for work, next to my husband, watching this plane nose-dive in a most certain crash in my front yard….I immediately ‘resigned’ myself, calmly and quietly, to my impending death in the assumed fireball explosion, (knowing there was no where to run), and quickly reached over to my husband to give a hug before I passed over.

The similarity of the 'nose-dive' by eyewitnesses, into only my front yard (damage was not widespread), and even one survivor's name being Karen (wife) is just too eerie! And it happened in my home state of New York! (Not to mention the fact that her last name is very familiar sounding to me for some reason!!!)

But I do want to allay any fears for those who remember reading my post to let them know it was not me!

I have been extremely busy and caught up with life lately, yet still have been having OBEs and learning experiences that are showing me that I am being 'worked on' in some way "to make the outer like the inner".... One experience in particular I may share should nothing more interesting show up soon!!

Thanks to those who send emails of concern...I am fine, just very busy!
Karen

96) 'Death' Transition and Full Power OBE

1.30.09 5:15 am

(NOTES: Woke 4am initially, reluctantly used the bathroom even though I was so tired --I did because I had a dream that told me I had to get up!!-- and then went back to bed. I fully awakened at 5:15am after this entire experience)

I ‘awoke’ from sleep, watching a small airplane move past my window followed by a much larger passenger jet that was very low to the ground! I was concerned because I ‘felt’ something was wrong and watched in horror as this large passenger jet made a sharp turn and began a nose-dive to the ground!

I became even MORE concerned when I realized how close this airliner was going to crash, almost in my front yard! Now it is interesting what I did next – I was lying in bed, thinking it is early morning nearly time to get up for work, next to my husband, watching this plane nose-dive in a most certain crash in my front yard….I immediately ‘resigned’ myself, calmly and quietly, to my impending death in the assumed fireball explosion, (knowing there was no where to run), and quickly reached over to my husband to give a hug before I passed over. There was absolutely NO fear!

As the ‘crash’ occurred, there was blackness, a sense of overwhelming ‘energy movement’ and some dull roaring (perhaps was the separation noise) that kept me aware of what was occurring. I am actually thinking that I am ‘passing over’ and am thankful that it is quick and painless! I somehow knew it wouldn’t hurt, as it would only be a ‘transition’. I lay there quietly and waited, knowing I would soon find myself ‘on the other side’ in spirit.

My next ‘lucid’ thoughts were that I am once again lying in bed, same position, and ‘awake’ to realize that it was all a very lucid dream, and one that I feel I should record as not many people get to ‘feel’ what it is like to ‘pass over’!! lol

I reach for my recorder at the bedside, and again, I find it in pieces! I felt clumsy, with coins dropping on the floor (I remember one being the US Mercury dime) and magazines falling off the bedside stand.

Now you may remember that this has been a learned ‘signal’ for the fact I am out of body, however, I take no heed at this time, primarily because this ‘wakefulness’ is SO physical in its sensations, even more so than I ever remember! I desperately try to put it back together and I do succeed in recording what I recall of the airplane crash (In hindsight, nothing was really recorded!)

I now get up, as I know it’s time for work, even picking up the magazine on the floor to place it back on the dresser as I noticed an article I wanted to read in it, and headed for my bathroom. Again, no thoughts of it being anything more than my usual work day routine.

This is where I am astonished to look into the mirror and see that my appearance is that of one I had just over a year ago when my hair was a bit longer and it was pulled back in a most disheveled appearance! This startled me enough to realize, ‘hey wait, I can’t have long hair now – so I must be out of body!!!’

In order to confirm this I try to put my hand through the walls and am SO shocked to see that I can! I feel the texture changes and turn to leave the bathroom because I’m not staying here! :) I see the skylight above me (one that is not in this room, but another room of the house) and zoom up to leave!

I can still remember how it felt to pass through the skylight, having my head emerge into the cooler outside air and am so excited to think this is a NEW way of experiencing this travel! I think of my mother who lives next door and plan on visiting, but as soon as I am mostly out of the house, I feel the pullback signal and soft transitioning of a return.

Confusion reigns for a few moments upon true awakening, because I still recall the plane crash ‘dream’ and the previous attempt at getting up for work! I realize this was a ‘solid’ out of body experience into the physical, as I was ‘solidly’ convinced I was doing nothing more than my usual ‘physical’ routine! :)

I really wish I could explain the difference here between this OBE and my others. I know the previous OBEs were also ‘real’ in some sense, but they pale in comparison with how ‘real’ and intense I felt with this one. Phenomenal was the word I used to describe it upon recording.

My own attempt at explaining this change is to think that my beginning OBEs were in a ‘less full’ version of myself, as I had to learn the process and ability to move about and think within this realm. With the last two experiences (one I did not post yet) there is definitely a higher degree of ‘physical-ness’ or fullness that I am experiencing.

I initially thought my OBEs were different in feeling and appearance only due to the differing levels of astral realms that I enter into, but now I’m thinking it is only an additional explanation of the astral body experience. There are many levels of ‘wholeness’ you can be in as well.

Any thoughts from anyone?

Also, in hindsight, I see the fact that I dreamt I ‘had’ to get up at 4am prior to this experience to go into the bathroom may have been ‘planned’ as well – that gave me a ‘comparison’ visit to the bathroom that allowed me to see that the next one was to be questioned!! lol

95) Early AM OBE with Full Control

1.25.09

This experience was unique in many ways as you will read shortly. The major difference is that I had the luxury of staying in bed after waking, and to use this time for some energy work and visualizations in hopes of getting OOB.

Thanks to N.J., I used a little different energy visualizations in that my in-breath would pull the white light into my second chakra from both my head and my feet, and then the out-breath would send this energy up and down throughout my body. The sensation of circling in my palms was then a signal that I was about to be in the proper mindset, so I used my affirmations of ‘mind-awake, body-asleep…now I am out of body!’ to emphasis my intentions.

Remember I was visualizing different scenes when an 18 wheel tractor-trailer truck with painted sides appeared in front of an area I was looking at. The painted sides of the truck completely blended in with background, with a stone wall appearance rising above a body of water painted on the truck.

As the truck moved in front of the area I was in, it completed blended in with the scenery and I was unable to see the truck! I then moved forward, and the truck became apparent again, so I moved back to marvel at how amazing this total camouflage was! With my position, I could make the truck completely hidden and then move forward to see that it was only an illusion.

In hindsight, this may have been a preparation for me to move into the next scene. I next remember looking at the beautiful waterfall that was flowing across a large lake from where I was standing. As I love waterfalls, I wanted to get closer and somehow I KNEW I was able to move into this scene if I wanted to. At the same time, I also KNEW I was lying in bed, in the exact position that I really was in!

Wanting to see this waterfall, I just ‘pushed’ forward into the scene, and immediately heard the rushing, windy sounds of separation! This loud blowing sound I have heard many times before and I knew at this point I was separating!

However, this was NOT as easy an exit as my usual roll-outs! I was tugging and pushing so hard, hearing that wind, and focusing on that waterfall to try to control my movements! I feel I am succeeding in separating, but I find myself veering off from over the lake toward a building on my left that is on the edge of the lake.

I am now standing next to this building by the lake, knowing the waterfall is around the corner of the building to my left, so I enter the water. I immediately ‘feel’ the change in texture as I glided into the water, and take the time to go completely under to feel the difference. I put my head partially out, and still remember the different sensations I had being just partially submerged.

This exit is different also in that I FULLY KNOW that I am out of body, there is no doubt in my mind whatsoever and I am enjoying knowing this fact and using it to explore instead of just ‘letting go’ and ‘following along’ with whatever happens to me.

Now I want to get to the waterfall, and as I know I can move without swimming/walking, I just push ahead through the water, but I’m moving so slowly! I remember worrying that maybe I’m moving so slowly because the water is so ‘thick’ and heavy, so I think ‘jet-ski’ to try to make my movements faster! lol It worked!

(The belief we all have that we can’t ‘walk’ on water is quite difficult to overcome! This may also have been the reason I did not go into the water initially, but had to be steered toward the land next to the building at the water’s edge.)

I move to the area where I saw the waterfall, but when I get there, there is NO waterfall! I sense that I am to make the waterfall appear, so I visualize it and watch as it appears!! I can feel the water now flowing down and I play in the turbulent water as it hits the lake! (I do remember, though, that the waterfall I visualized certainly wasn’t as beautiful as the one I had seen initially!! lol)

Interestingly, my husband appears on the bank of this lake and yells to me something about getting a good bargain on a ‘case of nuts’ (!) he bought from his friend Dave. (I do think again this may have been MY belief somehow that I know my husband thinks I’m ‘nuts’ when I tell him about my adventures! lol) He also said something about, ‘well, I see you decided to put in a lake instead of a pool!’ as if we had been discussing this new addition!

I began to feel that transitional pullback and quickly made my key words in reverse order to help me remember as much detail as I can. Despite my best efforts, after recording I could not get back into as deep a mindset as I needed to return.

This experience was so different from my usual nighttime OOBs – I had that ‘dual consciousness’ initially knowing I was both in bed, yet able to go into my scene. I had a more difficult separation this time with the rushing noises, but with full awareness of separating. I was able to maintain full control at all time, never having to just ‘let go’ and allow things to happen.

As I have mentioned, I can also see that my ‘beliefs’ play a big part of what I experience – hence the reason many have such a difficult time in learning to navigate the astral experience. It has taken me a long time to get even this far as I know I am still a novice in learning these new realms!

94) Help from my Sons

This is another experience I had, once again waking at the unusual time of 12:30am after just a few hours sleep! While I was lying there, trying to get back to sleep, I figured I’d try to ‘play’ with the new energy visualizations that I had just learned about from another OBE’r. (see next entry # 95 for details)

I realize I am able to get the energy circling once again in my palms, visualizing it powering up my system. At some point, I then realize I’m in full vibrations, and am able to make them stronger and weaker upon command. At one point, I get them almost to the point of being painful, but I knew I was in control.

I feel the floating sensations, and see hypnagogic images forming, mostly geometric shapes, again remaining fully in control and playing with them until I feel a sensation on my feet! I have no memory of separation, yet I am now aware of tapping and playful moving of my right toes.

I realize somehow they are a young child’s hands, playing with my feet, so I take my left foot and start tickling the little boy (about age 2-3) who I now see hanging onto my right foot! I pick him up and bring him up on the bed, all the time tickling and playing with him, enjoying his laughter and the fun we are having. (In the recording, I mention that I cannot recall what else we did, but we did do other fun things together for a while)

At the next recall, the experience became more dream-like because I noticed the boy seemed to get older in age. I was not sure what to do with him, and got up to take him to the door that appeared. He wasn’t letting go, and he stood there forlornly looking at me, not wanting to go through this doorway!

Realizing he was ‘just a child’ in spite of his looks, I felt I had to take control and I opened the door and pushed him into the next room! Closing the door quickly behind him, I told him, “I have to think for a minute!” because I was really not sure what to do next!!

Standing there, I could see through the ‘wall’ into the room, and watched as he took off into the room (again as a young child of 2 or 3), so I opened the door to go in with him. I am astounded to see my OWN two sons in the room (both as young children of ages 3 and 5 – not 25 and 27 as they are today!)

My older son is playing with blocks, laughing as he knocks them down. My younger son is playing quietly off to the side, and this new young boy is hold what looks like a vacuum cleaner!! He’s making ‘vacuum’ noises as he plays with it, and I remember thinking, ‘gee, I should really turn it on and put him to work!’ lol All three boys were playing independently, yet together…that was the feeling. At this point I awaken, and record what I remember.

What is interesting here is that I remember a previous experience where a woman was thanking me for my boys and how much they helped her son when they were younger (see #12 in blog posts). I have no idea if it is the same reference, but I am still very happy to know my boys are helping others as well! (even though they may not know it!)

93) Link with N.J. Dream?

Hi everyone! Ok, I have had some new experiences lately, and have not had the time to write them up, as I felt they were more 'dream-like' or less interesting than my usual experiences.

However, upon writing them up, I see there can be some interesting aspects that some may have more insight on. So I'm going to share them all!

For a little background, I have been in contact with another OBE'r from another country, one that is five hours ahead of me. He is an ex-Qigong instructor and well versed with energy and chakras. I tell you this because it pertains to aspects within this 'connection' dreams I feel I made with him.

I know some will think I am 'pressing' the 'coincidence' connection a bit, but MY feelings are that I indeed make a connection and just wanted to share. I have only sporatic memories of the 'dream' so this is the best I can recall and it is NOT written as I usually do (with good grammar!) as it is not easy to write about...lol

1.21.09

He was the last crew member from TV series left – felt like Doc McCoy from Star Trek - he was taking over role (?)- had silver suit on- said,”come see this with me” and took this other person with me to a tree where there were two birds on limb - male and female - one with bright orange and white (spike) comb on head - eating something green (beans?), something about Star Trek “I’m Capt Kirk, US Enterprise” is what the bird says but in bird language, their voice.

I said, “Hello ‘Capt Kirk US Enterprise!’” playfully back, then third person comes back to us as we are all done seeing this wonderful event (?), saying “time to take you back to Earth”. We were on a space ship, walking into other room I get feeling we are being ‘captured’? – as I saw something out the side window that maybe was hooking onto us (?), next thing I know the other person with me - he is unconscious with a mask over his face and can’t be aroused. I feel I have this plastic mask being placed over my face, am barely able to breathe, but had a small bit of my lower lip out so I could breathe - trying to get the third person’s attention to help us.

Now half awake with spinning strong right palm - tried to move energy, thinking of N.J. and how he would do it, powered up and moved it, but because too awake - woke completely up.

Key points to link to N.J.:

-Recorder dropped on floor just before bed, I had to search for - reminder to use?
-I don’t usually wake at 12:30 am after only 2 hours sleep (would coincide with N.J.’s waking time)
-Star Trek reference – link to N.J.’s astronomy interest? ( I rarely watched this show!)
-Bright orange/green in tree (reference to his association of himself as tree frog in email we had)
-birds (flying objects?)
-Other one invited me up – N.J. asleep first?
-Mask on my face barely able to breathe = not completely ‘unconscious’ of experience (as other male was) so I am able to ‘talk’ about it?
-Immediate thoughts of N.J. upon awakening with new energy movements he showed me being active

Narration from start of Star Trek series: “Space... the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before"

Wow, does THIS statement does fit my experiences!!! lol

Thanks for reading and any insights,
Karen

92) Lost OBE Opportunity in Vegas

Unsuccessful OBE vs. symbolic dream

Jan 15,2009 Las Vegas Dream (I was on vacation in Vegas!)

My first realization was that I was on this moving train, watching the countryside go by and thinking, “wow, this is just like what I see when I’m OOB!” (Of course, this was my signal that I was OOB, but I just went on enjoying the train ride (!) – as the train was one of my very first signals when I started going OOB) I do remember seeing people that we passed by, including someone shooting a metal bow and arrow at us!

Next memory is of being underwater (!) and seeing this picnic table, thinking, “wow, that’s unusual for someone to put a picnic table underwater!” Again, an anomaly that should have been my signal that I was OOB, but no, did I remember??!?! Lol I remember I was learning how this table was put together, and I was with this small child trying to figure out how it all works! I even see this goldfish swimming by to seal the fact that I am underwater, but I never make the connection that I should question my surroundings! Another lost opportunity….

Next I see a large gas truck on fire (!) in the center of the town where I live. I was helping a female (me?) put the fire out, which I thought we were successful doing, but in looking under the truck I could see a small glow, indicating it may re-light!

I remember I tried to put this small glow out with some sort of odd liquid (soy sauce?) but when the truck started moving, this other female wanted to steer it down the hill out of the center of town to a safe area in case it did explode.

Now I’m standing across the street from this same spot where the truck on fire was, watching this large three story house burning! I felt it belonged to this same female as I met with the truck. It was a mass of flames, and I could see the front door and windows implode, thinking it was unusual that it was imploding instead of exploding outward. I was concerned that I was perhaps standing a little to close (across the street) for safety, as the heat from the flames were going to be intense. I was thinking maybe we should even evacuate the people from the houses around me as well.
_________________________________________________

I know this was a failed OOB, as I didn't pick up on the fact that I was out despite the many signals! However, since it also seems to have a lot of symbolisms I thought I'd share it here. This is what I found online - maybe someone else can help me decipher this more! Thanks in advance...Karen

DREAM SYMBOLISM found at Dreammoods.com (and my comments):

Train
To dream that you are on a train, is symbolic of your life's journey and suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed for the right direction. Alternatively, you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will prove to work out in the end. (BINGO! That’s me)

Bow And Arrow
To see a bow and arrow in your dream, represents a combination of female and male energies. It may refer to your libido or some sexual energy/desire. Alternatively, it symbolizes anger, aggression, or tension. This dream symbol may also be a metaphor that you are aiming for perfection. (Again, me!)
Metal
To see metal in your dream, signifies strength and character. It may also symbolize the inhumane side of society. Consider the exact type and shape of metal and what you were doing with it. (Hmm, they were shooting me with it! giving me some?)

Water
To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. (It was trying to show me I was within my subconscious – time to get out!! Lol)

Underwater
To dream that you are underwater, suggests that you are feeling overcome with emotions and are in need of greater control in your life. You may be in over your head regarding some situation.

Table
To see a table in your dream, represents social unity and the potential for a meeting or gathering. It refers to your social and family connections. (no idea on this one! )

Goldfish
To see a goldfish in your dream, foretells of wealth and many successful and pleasant adventures. (I’ll take it, but at the time, I felt it just meant as a reinforcement that I was truly underwater)

Fire
Depending on the context of your dream, to see fire in your dream can symbolize destruction, passion, desire, illumination, transformation, enlightenment, or anger. It may suggest that something old is passing and something new is entering into your life. Your thoughts and views are changing. In particular, if the fire is under control or contained in one area, then it is a metaphor of your own internal fire and inner transformation. It also represents your drive and motivation. (could be anything!)

To dream that a house is on fire, indicates that you need to undergo some transformation.

To dream that you put out a fire, signifies that you will overcome your obstacles in your life through much work and effort. (seems like whatever I’m changing to will be successful at least! Lol)

Flame
To see a flame in your dream, symbolizes purification.
To dream that you are fighting flames, signifies that you will need to invest your best efforts and energy in your road to success and wealth. (but it seems this transformations is going to take some work/effort! Lol)

Tanker
To see a tanker in your dream, represents the need to defend yourself and stand up for your beliefs without being confrontational or violent. Alternatively, the tanker may symbolize a threat. (???)

House
To see a house in your dream represents your own soul and self. Specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche. In general, the attic represents your intellect, the basement represents the unconscious, etc (…and my house was on fire! yikes!)

91) Meeting Higher Self; Near Physical to Forget?

1/09/09

First time out I had a very easy exit and remembered immediately that I wanted to go inward to my Higher Self. (I had just read about this interesting aspect of yourself that is in control of what you are here to learn – so I was curious what I’d learn.)

I did a little jump and spin (not even sure if I needed to, but it gets me going!), and found myself in the long black tunnel moving backwards as I have been many times before.

However, after a short time in this dark tunnel, I realized there was someone behind me, as I could ‘see’ an arm to the left of where I was sitting. I grabbed the arm, turned around and asked, “Who is here with me?” I saw that it was this young male with a beautiful smile traveling with me!

I feel he was probably an aspect of my Higher Self, as that is what I asked to do if I got OOB. This male however appeared just a bit different than my other meeting with ‘Richard’ in that I think he had lighter, even reddish tint, to his short hair and a pale, but still handsome and smiling face.

I did ask if his name was Richard, but he just smiled saying something like “it is if you want it to be!” He really didn’t answer yes or no. So I called him Richard because he was the one taking me, and that was the only name I knew (see previous blog post # 78 ).

I was so excited to see I could talk with him and I remember saying, “I have so many questions to ask you!” I remember I had the most wonderful conversation with him, asking him many questions and receiving many answers!

The only question I remember asking is, “How come I can’t see?” when we arrived at our destination. Although I could see him, I couldn’t see my surroundings at all, just darkness. The feeling I got for an answer was that I was using what I know, using too much of my physical senses, and trying too hard to see with my physical eyes (or something like that). Once I realized what he meant and ‘let go’, I was able to see fully where I was!

Unfortunately, due to circumstances I believe were planned in advance (read on), I have NO idea where I was, what I saw, or even what we talked about! So frustrating!

In hindsight, I believe what I experienced next was a way of having me forget what I learned! I understand that perhaps it is not the time for me to know this information at this point in my growth and development here in the physical, so I have to be patient and just trust that all is as it should be.

What did happen next was quite confusing at first. I remember being SO excited as the ‘pull back’ transition to consciousness was happening, thinking I wanted to get all this wonderful information recorded quickly! I reached for my recorder, started recording but then realized my recorder was in pieces!!

Now, I have had this ‘false awakening’ happen enough times before that I was able to remember (finally!) that it probably was NOT “really” broken, but another false awakening! So I reached over to where I KNOW I put my recorder, (rolled up in my sleeve) but then was SO surprised to suddenly feel like I rolled right off the couch!!

I’m thinking, ”What is this? Why am I on the floor?” I stand up and wonder, ‘am I really awake and standing or am I OOB?’ I am so confused, but I have to figure out what’s going on, so I start moving toward the front door. (I should have realized that the fact that I had to question it should have confirmed the idea I was truly out, but no…I just continued on!)

I felt so close to physical, I was confused and then I actually felt my foot hit something in the room as I move! This ‘feeling’ just added to my confusion! (This may have been to try to convince me I was ‘really’ awake.)

At the door, I say, “Well I’m just going to take a chance and try moving through the door to the outdoors (again knowing I’ll either pass through it or get a nice bump on the head! lol)

I ‘dive’ through the front door, with an elated sense of satisfaction when I realize I’m AM passing through it! I knew it! (I was right to just continue on without stopping!)

However, now I’m passing through the door, head first (that was new!) and going at such a slow glacial pace that I’m wondering what is going on?! I moved so slowly, almost as though I’m feeling every single atom and molecule!

As I finally get completely through and stand on my front step, I am absolutely awed by the beauty of my front yard!! It was almost as if it ‘opened up’ to reveal an immense field of beauty and depth. I looked up into the most spectacular sky, one that seemed to ‘move’ into infinity! I could see the blue sky as it changed into outer space with stars and planets then entire universes! It was utterly amazing to see! I felt so swept up with being a part of it all!

Realizing I still need to take advantage of being out, I move up into the yard, floating to the trees once again to feel the leaves (to be certain I can) and the joyous freedom of movement I have! I remember thinking, ‘oh, I miss this SO MUCH!’

As I look beyond the hill, I see what appeared to be fireworks shooting off, and I’m pleased to think that they were set off for my benefit! (I guess it seemed to fit my emotional reaction – so that was my thought! Lol)

However, as I moved up the hill out of my front yard and closer to the fireworks, I became aware of some sort of transition. I could see adults on the hillside below me and children running through the field toward the fireworks.

Now, I get a sense of foreboding, as I also see these explosions are no longer fireworks, but have the appearance of ominous artillery firing and bombs exploding! I fear for the children who are getting closer to them so I try to warn the adults to go gather the children! I move down and take one child back to the parents and see that the others are being collected by their parents. There does not seem to be any fear here, however.

Not wanting to stay in this area, I move back to the safety of my own yard and see my usual road at the end of the driveway. Feeling like I’m in familiar territory once again, I move down the driveway to the road. Along this country road, I do a little flip, float backwards, and then see a car traveling below me. I waved hello to them but without any response. As I turned back, I saw the corner of my usual road turn into an intersection that was vaguely familiar.

I was now above a city-type street, one that had many roads converging into it. The next I know I’m inside this building, moving down a hallway past many rooms or areas. I know I have been here before as it has a very familiar feeling to it. The words “Circuit City” came to my mind, but I have not idea what the connection is.

As I go past this one area where there are displays and shelves, I wave to a familiar smiling man who is inside, waving back. I move to the next area where there are children playing on some toys, yet I stay in the hall area without interacting, just looking into these individual rooms.

At the end, I move into this one room with a few young men inside with tables/displays of some sort. They were working there, and I move up to this one young male and starting talking quite flirtatiously with him! I remember saying, “did anyone ever tell you that you were quite cute?” and such…all the time, feeling like this is something this young man needs for his self-image and outlook.

He was quite shy, and I saw ‘through him’ at one point that he had a very jaundiced sickly look to his face. I realized he must have had some sort of liver disease that may have contributed to his lack of positive self-image. I remember thinking that my actions were not for MY needs, but that it was something this young man desperately needed. I transitioned to full wakefulness at this point, trying to recall so many of these details!

I had the feeling that this second experience was probably a way of having me forget what I learned in the first experience with Richard/Higher Self. I KNOW I received so many answers that I was looking for, because I can remember that I was SO excited to start recording that experience when I noticed my broken recorder (which really it wasn’t!!). By creating an immediate confusing transition and having a more involved second part, I would then want to try to remember all those other details and forget what we talked about!

This was a very interesting OBE, as I can see that I have learned some level of ‘knowing’ when it is a false awakening (broken recorder), yet I still have difficulty when I am close to physical in knowing I’m OOB. Thankfully, I don’t stop and question my situation, and that helps.

Being with my guide/Higher Self was extremely powerful, as I still feel that excitement and emotion that persists after my visit. I only wish I had some of the answers that I know I received from him!

90) Rooms of People; Inside a Child; Why Inward Better

1/05/09

My first recollection is that I could clearly see numbers/letters on a piece of paper while lying on the couch. There were two sets four (61dl r???) and because it felt like ‘astral vision’ it made me aware of being in altered state. I can see I have a piece of paper in my hand and am writing these numbers down (as I used to do before my recorder!) when someone in the house (my husband?) came to me to see what I was writing because they knew I traveled from here and wanted to know what I was up to.

This person then walked to the kitchen and I became aware of my ‘exit signal’- my right leg rising up! I remember thinking (since I wasn’t sure this wasn’t all “real”), that I’d wait for it to rise up high enough that I knew I couldn’t possibly do that in real life!! lol Sure enough, it went clear over my head, and after a few seconds hesitation (because I thought someone was nearby), I just said, ‘heck with them, I’m outta here!’

I rolled out off couch, stood next to fireplace, and remember looking to see if I could tell who it was in the kitchen.

Not wanting to dwell on that issue, I quickly remembered I had set the intention to go see the rings on Saturn as a goal if OOB. With this thought, I immediately zoomed straight up through ceiling to blackness. I could feel the moving sensations, a slight shaking and intensity of feelings (energy sensations?) as I continued on for a very long time!

It was long enough to think ‘let’s try something!’, so I put my arms out in Superman pose, then to the sides, then thought, ‘I’ll be different this time and lie on my back as I move!’ Still feeling this movement through blackness, I thought I’d try rolling over to put my feet first, which I did!

This shows how long I ‘felt’ to be in this moving blackness, and even had the time to think, ‘well if I wanted it to be a shorter trip, all I have to do is expect to be there!’

At that point, I slowed as I see I’m moving through various rooms below me. It was dark in the rooms, as if a movie theatre, as there were small ‘lights’ lining the room near the ceiling where I was. All these people were below me in the room, and upon reaching the front, still up high, I very clearly see two (three?) women come up from below, exuberantly saying “Hi! Hello! Welcome! SO nice to meet you!”

They were SO happy to see me, and I then realized the entire crowd below me was saying “hello and welcome!” I was a bit taken aback with the clarity of their features and their overwhelming need to get my attention. (I did not feel these were ‘higher entities’ but others who existed in this “belief system” below.)

I moved onto another room without further interaction and saw this room had chairs lined up as if in a classroom. It was no longer dark, and there were men scattered about seated in these chairs. I felt as though it was a ‘math/numbers’ type lecture they were having, however upon my arrival, their interest turned to me. I was caught up in their curiosity and found myself down at their level, being pushed and pulled uncomfortably. I immediately said “that’s enough!”, and found myself into another dark room.

This one was a theatre, as I could see they were watching a movie screen. I asked one what was playing, and he answered something to the effect, “10000 Leagues Under the Sea(?)” but he explained it was all about how the afterlife works. He told me that everything is really SO much simpler than how it is portrayed in our movies – that we add so much gore and emotion to it.

I started fading back at this point and used my key word associations to recall these details as best I could. I still feel more information was given to me, however, it was in ‘feelings’ and very difficult to put into words.

The next sequence of events starts with a dream type experience where I was once again in college and concerned about the loss of my Math notebook and therefore my Math class, scheduled for 4th period. I distinctly recall I had no difficulty with the first 3 classes, and now that it was time for Math, I had no idea where my notebook was nor where the class was to be held! I then realized that may have been because I had ‘dropped’ this class due to not getting the grades that I felt were adequate enough, so therefore there was no 4th period to go to!

At this point, I remember I’m on a couch, but it appeared to be in someone else’s house! There were two women there, one left the room to change (?), but the other I remember standing nearby in this ridiculous exercise outfit with such hairy legs!! LOL That was enough for me to realize that I’m once again in an altered state, and realize my own legs are rising again!

This time, before I could roll out, I find this small ‘energy ball entity’ moving about all over my body, as if annoyingly playful. This ‘ball’ is telling me things like, ‘you really shouldn’t be traveling all about’ , ‘it’s not safe’, and ‘you really don’t need to be traveling’…(the feeling associated with it was as if it was a bit of a nuisance, but in a playful way).

I politely responded with “yes, but I like to travel, that’s how I learn! It teaches me things!” It continued to playfully annoy me for a bit longer, and when I had enough I just said, ‘that’s ok’ and intentionally sent it love…and saw that it completely disappeared!

Now I’m trying to get my leg to rise again, but the astral vision kicks in again. I clearly see someone’s bedroom – a bed with a flat thin medium brown solid headboard, quilt-like bedcovering with curved images on it (patchwork type circles?) and a dresser next to it. The bed was empty, and no one was around and I fade to wakefulness.

The last recall I have is that I am on a small bus (school?) on a country lane, and looking out the back window, can see two cows running after the bus! (I have to say here that there was a lot more going on that I was not able to recall).

I knew I was ‘out’ and having set the intention of using ‘Inward Now!’ (since my travel to Saturn didn’t work out!), I picked my feet up and attempted to spin. I spun in place, and as I did, I could hear voices talking (the words were fuzzy as if on a loudspeaker) but am not able to remember what they said! I do recall that the spinning continued until I actually felt queasy!

When the spinning stopped, I’m back on this bus with children, and see three young boys (ages 12-14?) in the seat in front of me turning back to talk to me. There is a girl sitting to the left of me. Now I feel as though I am ‘inside’ the body of a child in this bus, and can feel very concerned that I may say or do the wrong thing. I just stayed very still, not moving, and I could see that they were looking at me, watching something that I had with me. They were talking to me, but I felt I could not interact because I was ‘not really that person’. I recorded the fact that I thought they used the word ‘terrorist’(?).

Next recall is that I am trying to get something recorded, and had difficulty with my vision while I was fumbling for the buttons. (At the time I thought it could have been due to the fact that I was in ‘both worlds’ and trying to physically move while maintaining the altered mindstate.)

I don’t know what I was talking about on the recording, but I understood it at the time. Now, I hear the alarm clock going off in my son’s room, and realize that I was NOT recording and was going to lose everything! I attempted to stay in that mind frame to pull out any details, but since I was awakened so quickly with the alarm, I actually felt uncomfortable being both ‘in and out’. Once again, SO much was lost upon full awakening.

The one thing I find with my experiences lately is this ability to stay both ‘in and out’, or at least the feeling that I am still ‘out there’ yet able to physically know I am here. It’s a bit uncomfortable at times, and it causes much confusion as to what is ‘real’!

Also, I wanted to explain an insight that I seemed to intuitively understand a bit better, but am not sure I can put into words. When I wanted to go to Saturn, that was fine, but it was more for the physical world learning than for my ‘self’.

When I attempt to go ‘inward’, I now know that it will be far better for my own learning as I would be traveling within my own ‘planes/levels’ and more toward the ‘true’ aspects of reality. It just seems more ‘correct’ now for me to stop attempting to go places that only satisfy my ‘physical reality’ senses, and seek the inward levels of existence that is a part of ‘me’, which is also a part of ‘true’ reality.

89) Clarity, Textures, and Limited Recall

12/25/08

I am writing this experience for the blog, but honestly, am not sure why! This was the first time that I did SO much in one night that I was not able to record it all in a way that I could recall enough details to share! This may even have been a collection of both OBE’s and lucid dreams.

These are the few details I can remember, but by no means, is it even a fraction of what I did! I can only say the feeling I am left with upon waking this am was that I was everywhere and doing everything!!

I do remember my first OOB separation last night because of the extreme clarity I had. At some point, I just ‘knew’ I could get up and move out, yet I don’t recall what my signal was. As I moved to the front door, I remember thinking how clear it all was - my thinking, my vision, everything about the separation - that it caused me to think perhaps I wasn’t really OOB!

As I approached the front door, it’s funny how I do remember my thoughts as, “well, if I’m not OOB, then I’m in for rude awakening as I slam into the front door!” I somehow knew that just the confusion of whether I was truly OOB or not was generally enough to just ‘go with it’ and try to walk through the door! Of course, despite the clarity of thought and vision as if I was completely wide awake, in fact I was OOB and can even remember the texture change as I passed through the door to the outside! (This clear awareness and confusion as to whether OOB or ‘real life’ I think is a major reason many people do not think they are OOB – it feels just the same!)

Unfortunately, once out, that is where my recollection is limited, except for the fact that I know I met many people in many different places. Initially, I remember just ‘exploring’ again, feeling the texture changes as I floated through the trees, down to the ground and placing my arms into the earth, and in general, just having fun!

Another time, I remember seeing my dog Buddy accompany me, as he just glided off the porch to catch up with me! There was another scene where I vaguely remember other dogs (2-3 of them) and Buddy around me, yet these other dogs were nipping at my hands and feet! I recall the ‘tingly’ sensation as they ‘bit’ my hands and feet – all the time knowing I couldn’t be hurt, but reveled in the fact that there was a noted ‘sensation’ as they tried to bite!

Another time I recall ‘waking’ to my husband coming down the stairs, yet knew that I had to remain still as this is frequently a false awakening (which it was again!) I remember hearing the sound of radios playing, another common signal that I am not really awake, and need to remain quiet to see what happens next! Of course, more did happen, but all I know is that I thought I was recording as much as I could on my recorder, trying to recall details, and then fully awakening a short time later to see that I did NOT record anything! All the details were lost!

The only other small memories I recall was that I was inside this old building (tower-like with a Chicago feeling) and while exploring, heard something above me. I knew I could just pass through the ceiling to get there, so I did! As I floated up, I was actually INSIDE the metal structure of the building, astonished at the intricate detail and scrollwork of the metal framing! At one of the top floors, I was directed to a doorway where other people were entering and heading for a ‘magic show’ of some type. I entered, and sat down with others to watch the show, and recall there was something at this table just for me…but what I don’t know!

The last small recollection I had was that I was at a college and going to my classes with a group of other people. While there, I was fine, attending class as usual, as long as I stayed with my group. However, I became separated from them and no longer knew where to go on this big campus to get to class! I remember asking someone, ‘why don’t they have maps for people to use at this college?’ and then realized having a map would not help me anyway because I didn’t even have my schedule of classes that would tell me where to go!

I am sorry I don’t have more to share this time, however, perhaps someone somewhere can learn something from these experiences.

88) Facing Fear

12/14/08

I went to bed with the intention of attempting to get OOB and visiting JP should I have the opportunity. Additionally, in looking at the beautiful full moon, I remember thinking just prior to sleep that I wondered what the moon would look like from an OOB perspective. It was a casual thought, and not one that I would call a definite intention, but as you will see, I did remember it!

The first exit I recall was very easy at first, as I became aware of the tingling vibrations that told me I was ready. Immediately my feet started floating up, and so I just climbed out and started moving away to the side door. However, things were very dark and there was the heaviness and pulling sensations I had to fight against. I remember stating ‘clarity now!’ at least twice, and with emotion, but found nothing helped. Before I could even get out the door, I was back in body.

The second exit shortly thereafter also was easy, again with the tingling vibrations and feet floating signal. This time I just stood up and decided to take a different exit from the room – out the window that was on the wall next to the couch above my head.

I knew I could just ‘push’ through the wall, and wanted to make the most of this exit, so I decided to very slowly pass through the wall to the outdoors. I was able to take note of the varying textures as I passed through, and was surprised to see/feel that ‘space’ that is between the inner and outer walls. (Of course there is one in hindsight, but at the time, I didn’t realize it was there but sure felt the difference!)

I stopped half way out as I exited the wall, and turned back to look up at the roof and eaves. I can still ‘picture’ in my mind exactly what it looks like to see the house at this angle, something I would not be able to do in real life!

I turned back and jumped to the ground, again noting a slight difference in its appearance, as flowers were growing next to the house yet there is none there in real life. It was dark inside the house, yet my vision was clear as soon as I exited.

I turned the corner of the house to head for the front yard, and remembered I wanted to see the moon while OOB. I looked up, and sure enough, there it was – but it was not as clear as earlier and seemed to be cloud-covered or very distant.

I then remembered I wanted to go visit JP, but I was suddenly and surprisingly ‘attacked’ by something unusual. I remember seeing a very fleeting image of a white flash of ‘something’ come at me from my right side and could feel it attach itself to my right shoulder. I could hear this spine-chilling continuous “ahhhh” sound right at my right ear on the shoulder, and felt a light vibrating ‘physical’ sensation as well.

I immediately felt a small degree of fear, as this ‘thing’ was uncomfortable and unsettling. The guttural sound it made was continuous and monotone and I attempted to just press forward without giving it any thought. I was trying to keep my fear to a bare minimum as I totally knew whatever it was couldn’t hurt me. (I really don’t know where I get this courage from OOB, because even thinking about it now makes me a bit unsettled!! lol)

The sound/vibration stayed with me as I walked forward and I think I was about to become too fearful to stay OOB when I ‘heard’ the words, “send it love…..send it love”. I remembered talking with others who deal with negativity by facing it and embracing it (thanks Sam!), so I tried initially to ‘think’ of sending love- however, there was no change.

Once again I ‘heard’ the words, “send it love!” and this time without hesitation I turn to face the ‘thing’ with the intention of fully embracing and loving whatever it was….and it disappeared!

I realized I’m fading back to more awareness so now I’m trying to recall the details and talking to myself to impress the memories into my consciousness. This makes me think I’m recording the experience already, yet when I do awaken fully, I realize I have nothing recorded and still have to work hard to recall some of the details! I may have forgotten some minor aspects, but this is the best I could recall.

I am not sure what exactly this ‘thing’ was – it could have been just a ‘fear thought form’ that surfaced suddenly or may even have been something to do with the fact that there IS a 1700-1900 cemetery on that side of the house that I was walking past while OOB! I did not get a good visual on its appearance other than the white flash.

As I listen to my recordings now, I find I did get out a third time last night, however, my sleepy voice on the recorder only keeps repeating the same words, “it’s a learning situation” because whoever I was with the third time was impressing upon me that ‘it was only a learning situation’. The only other words I recorded were “it doesn’t help”….and “a long time spent learning”…..so, for this final OBE, I haven’t a clue what I was doing! lol

87) Meeting "Family"

12/04/08

I decided to try for an OBE with the usual wake-back-to-bed (WBTB) routine this morning when I woke at 3 am. I set the intention of just ‘meeting someone’ without any particulars. Instead of my couch, I went to my daughter’s room for a change of scenery. For a little background information, my 18 year old daughter has not lived at home for the last six months, and I do miss her terribly. She is not far away, yet our time together is limited.

I know the fact that I was sleeping in her room played a major role in the experience I encountered this morning, as her energy is permeated throughout all her belongings left behind that she did not take with her.

After my usual induction, I became sharply aware of my daughter’s presence in the room, softly calling, “Mom….mom!” I didn’t answer her at first because I knew somehow that it could be one of the ‘false awakenings’ I have and wanted to wait it out to see what happened. My daughter then came close, and I could feel her hugging me with her face next to mine.

Once I felt her close hug (mostly on the right side), she started talking very softly about her problems she is encountering with her dad, her car and the tire getting soft, etc. and I could feel her sadness and her need to be with me. Her voice started drifting off, and now I knew I was in the ‘altered realms’ as I could feel the physical vibrations on my left side as she hugged my right side. I knew I could ‘speak’ now (mentally but within the experience I can hear my voice) and I’m telling her to please talk louder as I can’t hear her clearly.

She says, “I can’t get used to this separating stuff, it’s so scary”, and I am trying to allay her fears by saying “you’ll eventually get used to it after a while”….thinking it’s the OOB “separating”, but in hindsight perhaps she meant our actual physical separation that recently occurred (?).

She then said, “but I’m right now in a labor board meeting!” so I asked, “What are you doing there?” I did not get an answer as I started the fade back, with the thought that perhaps this really isn’t my daughter because she would not be doing anything with a ‘labor board meeting’…however, another thought that this may be a future event did cross my mind as I then had the vision of an older female, and so perhaps it IS possible that my daughter may encounter these same OOB ‘separating’ experiences in the future.

After recording, I settle in and quickly find myself sitting in long hallway, where I pick up something (piece of paper?) that had the name “Valentino Ortiz”. The first name “Valentino” is a close approximation, but I don’t feel it was the exact name. I asked, “Who is this… someone I can help?” and I immediately felt the familiar long black tunnel movement that takes me to where I need to be.

I found myself lying face up in the back of an open pickup truck, in the very early morning hours as it was just becoming daylight. I could see all sorts of stuff piled around me in the back of the truck, yet I was cozily tucked into blankets and comfortable with the ride in the back.

I could see two older Mexican-appearing women in the front with a young girl on the far right side. All of them had jet black hair, and the two older women (whom I could only see from the back) had ribbons and bows decorating their hair.

I knew we were on our way to someplace special, and the little girl in the front stood up, looked back at me, and was telling me all about the wonderful festival we were heading to, and how much fun we were going to have. It seems it was a yearly excursion, as I was a young toddler boy (her brother?) and this was to be my first time.

What is interesting, however, is that this little girl (about age 10) had the jet black hair, Mexican features, and a thin well-groomed black moustache, which I initially thought was quite unusual. However, I somehow knew also that this not an unusual feature to see for this group of people, and I was left with the impression that their faces were ‘cat-like’ (?).

I remember once arriving in the town for the festival I could see little shops with lots of different displays, with one that sold stuffed animals that I wanted. I’m thinking (as if I am myself, not the boy) that this family must be affluent enough to stay in the same hotel each year.

Now I’m no longer the little boy, standing off to the side of the street, and I am watching someone sitting across the street holding a very young baby, so small he could be wrapped in a ‘sock’ (?). A female is standing next to me and I realize it is my daughter again!

We take off together, holding hands tightly throughout the entire rest of the experience, moving about this town as she is telling me about her brother, saying “that boy has to do something with the casino… learn stuff about the casino”. I asked “is that what he should look into?” thinking she has some future information that I could use to help my son get established, and she said, “No, but it’d give him something to do for now.”

So I ask her, “Well, what are you going to do?” and she indicated she was going to do something to get enough money for a new bed. I clarified my question and said, “No, in life, what are you going to do with your life? You need to have an overall job, not just earn something to get piece by piece in life.” She then indicated she was interested in psychiatry, which immediately made me think of the previous experience with the “labor board meeting” comment from earlier.

I wanted to ask her more about that and just as we are going up this one street, things started to fade and I could feel her hand slipping from my grip. As the last of the fingers released, I could hear her holler, “No, Mommy, no!” which tugged at my heart center, as I became fully awake.

Once again I record this experience and realized that sleeping in this room was definitely making my experiences more personal. As I settled back in, I now find myself in a house with a Mexican family (not sure if it was the same one) that consisted of a father, mother, another woman (aunt?) and three boys.

I was there helping to fix the meal and they were showing me how to make something with the hot oil in the front room. The middle room was the dining area, completely set up for dinner, and I realized there was a back room where some excitement was going on.

It seems the mother of the family had just given birth to a very, very small baby and the young boys (all about 7-9 years old) were very upset. The one was the older brother of the baby and was talking with his two male cousins about how small the baby is, and how he’s not going to be any fun because he will have problems with his very small size. (I got the feeling this was perhaps the same very small baby I saw in the previous setting after I was out of the truck).

I was sitting with the boys, trying to get them to understand the situation, telling the big brother that it was ok to be mad and upset right now, but then he had to realize that he was needed as the ‘big brother’ to help take care of the baby. Something told me that the mother was not going to be able to have another child and this was the only chance he was going to have to get a sibling. The brother said something about “well, I wish Saul/Seth was still around,” which made me think there was an older brother that passed on previously that he missed.

Then there was more excitement, as someone yelled that we’d better go check on that food cooking. As I enter the middle room I could see flames and smoke coming out of the front room where the hot oil cooking was going on!! I knew we had to call 911, headed for the phone on the counter, but the father ran ahead of me and closed the door to that room. I knew the fire was out of control at this point!

I can still picture him holding the door closed, with a cloth across his mouth and nose, smoke all around, trying to reach for the phone. I felt paralyzed with fear, turned to yell for the others to get out of the house, yet felt as though I had cotton in my mouth and was unable to speak!

I could feel a sense of guilt that I perhaps had caused their home to be lost to fire, and it was at this exact point that I was startled awake, mid-scene, by my husband who was leaving for the day and needed to talk to me. This was the first time ever I have been awakened ‘for real’ during this type of experience, and the startled surprise awakening with a quick transition was very uncomfortable, especially since I was feeling very emotional at the point of waking.

I do not know how all this relates to anything, yet there seems to be an intertwining of events between the three experiences. I have learned that I should just write as I see it, and hope for validation and clarification from others at some point in the future.

At this time, I left a message for my daughter to call me, as I told her she visited me last night and want to correlate this if I can. Keep checking back and I’ll post anything of significance that happens to clarify any of these events.

Meanwhile, any insights or feedback on these experiences will always be greatly appreciated!