Blog Archive

Thursday, December 25, 2008

89) Clarity, Textures, and Limited Recall


I am writing this experience for the blog, but honestly, am not sure why! This was the first time that I did SO much in one night that I was not able to record it all in a way that I could recall enough details to share! This may even have been a collection of both OBE’s and lucid dreams.

These are the few details I can remember, but by no means, is it even a fraction of what I did! I can only say the feeling I am left with upon waking this am was that I was everywhere and doing everything!!

I do remember my first OOB separation last night because of the extreme clarity I had. At some point, I just ‘knew’ I could get up and move out, yet I don’t recall what my signal was. As I moved to the front door, I remember thinking how clear it all was - my thinking, my vision, everything about the separation - that it caused me to think perhaps I wasn’t really OOB!

As I approached the front door, it’s funny how I do remember my thoughts as, “well, if I’m not OOB, then I’m in for rude awakening as I slam into the front door!” I somehow knew that just the confusion of whether I was truly OOB or not was generally enough to just ‘go with it’ and try to walk through the door! Of course, despite the clarity of thought and vision as if I was completely wide awake, in fact I was OOB and can even remember the texture change as I passed through the door to the outside! (This clear awareness and confusion as to whether OOB or ‘real life’ I think is a major reason many people do not think they are OOB – it feels just the same!)

Unfortunately, once out, that is where my recollection is limited, except for the fact that I know I met many people in many different places. Initially, I remember just ‘exploring’ again, feeling the texture changes as I floated through the trees, down to the ground and placing my arms into the earth, and in general, just having fun!

Another time, I remember seeing my dog Buddy accompany me, as he just glided off the porch to catch up with me! There was another scene where I vaguely remember other dogs (2-3 of them) and Buddy around me, yet these other dogs were nipping at my hands and feet! I recall the ‘tingly’ sensation as they ‘bit’ my hands and feet – all the time knowing I couldn’t be hurt, but reveled in the fact that there was a noted ‘sensation’ as they tried to bite!

Another time I recall ‘waking’ to my husband coming down the stairs, yet knew that I had to remain still as this is frequently a false awakening (which it was again!) I remember hearing the sound of radios playing, another common signal that I am not really awake, and need to remain quiet to see what happens next! Of course, more did happen, but all I know is that I thought I was recording as much as I could on my recorder, trying to recall details, and then fully awakening a short time later to see that I did NOT record anything! All the details were lost!

The only other small memories I recall was that I was inside this old building (tower-like with a Chicago feeling) and while exploring, heard something above me. I knew I could just pass through the ceiling to get there, so I did! As I floated up, I was actually INSIDE the metal structure of the building, astonished at the intricate detail and scrollwork of the metal framing! At one of the top floors, I was directed to a doorway where other people were entering and heading for a ‘magic show’ of some type. I entered, and sat down with others to watch the show, and recall there was something at this table just for me…but what I don’t know!

The last small recollection I had was that I was at a college and going to my classes with a group of other people. While there, I was fine, attending class as usual, as long as I stayed with my group. However, I became separated from them and no longer knew where to go on this big campus to get to class! I remember asking someone, ‘why don’t they have maps for people to use at this college?’ and then realized having a map would not help me anyway because I didn’t even have my schedule of classes that would tell me where to go!

I am sorry I don’t have more to share this time, however, perhaps someone somewhere can learn something from these experiences.

Monday, December 15, 2008

88) Facing Fear


I went to bed with the intention of attempting to get OOB and visiting JP should I have the opportunity. Additionally, in looking at the beautiful full moon, I remember thinking just prior to sleep that I wondered what the moon would look like from an OOB perspective. It was a casual thought, and not one that I would call a definite intention, but as you will see, I did remember it!

The first exit I recall was very easy at first, as I became aware of the tingling vibrations that told me I was ready. Immediately my feet started floating up, and so I just climbed out and started moving away to the side door. However, things were very dark and there was the heaviness and pulling sensations I had to fight against. I remember stating ‘clarity now!’ at least twice, and with emotion, but found nothing helped. Before I could even get out the door, I was back in body.

The second exit shortly thereafter also was easy, again with the tingling vibrations and feet floating signal. This time I just stood up and decided to take a different exit from the room – out the window that was on the wall next to the couch above my head.

I knew I could just ‘push’ through the wall, and wanted to make the most of this exit, so I decided to very slowly pass through the wall to the outdoors. I was able to take note of the varying textures as I passed through, and was surprised to see/feel that ‘space’ that is between the inner and outer walls. (Of course there is one in hindsight, but at the time, I didn’t realize it was there but sure felt the difference!)

I stopped half way out as I exited the wall, and turned back to look up at the roof and eaves. I can still ‘picture’ in my mind exactly what it looks like to see the house at this angle, something I would not be able to do in real life!

I turned back and jumped to the ground, again noting a slight difference in its appearance, as flowers were growing next to the house yet there is none there in real life. It was dark inside the house, yet my vision was clear as soon as I exited.

I turned the corner of the house to head for the front yard, and remembered I wanted to see the moon while OOB. I looked up, and sure enough, there it was – but it was not as clear as earlier and seemed to be cloud-covered or very distant.

I then remembered I wanted to go visit JP, but I was suddenly and surprisingly ‘attacked’ by something unusual. I remember seeing a very fleeting image of a white flash of ‘something’ come at me from my right side and could feel it attach itself to my right shoulder. I could hear this spine-chilling continuous “ahhhh” sound right at my right ear on the shoulder, and felt a light vibrating ‘physical’ sensation as well.

I immediately felt a small degree of fear, as this ‘thing’ was uncomfortable and unsettling. The guttural sound it made was continuous and monotone and I attempted to just press forward without giving it any thought. I was trying to keep my fear to a bare minimum as I totally knew whatever it was couldn’t hurt me. (I really don’t know where I get this courage from OOB, because even thinking about it now makes me a bit unsettled!! lol)

The sound/vibration stayed with me as I walked forward and I think I was about to become too fearful to stay OOB when I ‘heard’ the words, “send it love…..send it love”. I remembered talking with others who deal with negativity by facing it and embracing it (thanks Sam!), so I tried initially to ‘think’ of sending love- however, there was no change.

Once again I ‘heard’ the words, “send it love!” and this time without hesitation I turn to face the ‘thing’ with the intention of fully embracing and loving whatever it was….and it disappeared!

I realized I’m fading back to more awareness so now I’m trying to recall the details and talking to myself to impress the memories into my consciousness. This makes me think I’m recording the experience already, yet when I do awaken fully, I realize I have nothing recorded and still have to work hard to recall some of the details! I may have forgotten some minor aspects, but this is the best I could recall.

I am not sure what exactly this ‘thing’ was – it could have been just a ‘fear thought form’ that surfaced suddenly or may even have been something to do with the fact that there IS a 1700-1900 cemetery on that side of the house that I was walking past while OOB! I did not get a good visual on its appearance other than the white flash.

As I listen to my recordings now, I find I did get out a third time last night, however, my sleepy voice on the recorder only keeps repeating the same words, “it’s a learning situation” because whoever I was with the third time was impressing upon me that ‘it was only a learning situation’. The only other words I recorded were “it doesn’t help”….and “a long time spent learning”…, for this final OBE, I haven’t a clue what I was doing! lol

Thursday, December 4, 2008

87) Meeting "Family"


I decided to try for an OBE with the usual wake-back-to-bed (WBTB) routine this morning when I woke at 3 am. I set the intention of just ‘meeting someone’ without any particulars. Instead of my couch, I went to my daughter’s room for a change of scenery. For a little background information, my 18 year old daughter has not lived at home for the last six months, and I do miss her terribly. She is not far away, yet our time together is limited.

I know the fact that I was sleeping in her room played a major role in the experience I encountered this morning, as her energy is permeated throughout all her belongings left behind that she did not take with her.

After my usual induction, I became sharply aware of my daughter’s presence in the room, softly calling, “Mom….mom!” I didn’t answer her at first because I knew somehow that it could be one of the ‘false awakenings’ I have and wanted to wait it out to see what happened. My daughter then came close, and I could feel her hugging me with her face next to mine.

Once I felt her close hug (mostly on the right side), she started talking very softly about her problems she is encountering with her dad, her car and the tire getting soft, etc. and I could feel her sadness and her need to be with me. Her voice started drifting off, and now I knew I was in the ‘altered realms’ as I could feel the physical vibrations on my left side as she hugged my right side. I knew I could ‘speak’ now (mentally but within the experience I can hear my voice) and I’m telling her to please talk louder as I can’t hear her clearly.

She says, “I can’t get used to this separating stuff, it’s so scary”, and I am trying to allay her fears by saying “you’ll eventually get used to it after a while”….thinking it’s the OOB “separating”, but in hindsight perhaps she meant our actual physical separation that recently occurred (?).

She then said, “but I’m right now in a labor board meeting!” so I asked, “What are you doing there?” I did not get an answer as I started the fade back, with the thought that perhaps this really isn’t my daughter because she would not be doing anything with a ‘labor board meeting’…however, another thought that this may be a future event did cross my mind as I then had the vision of an older female, and so perhaps it IS possible that my daughter may encounter these same OOB ‘separating’ experiences in the future.

After recording, I settle in and quickly find myself sitting in long hallway, where I pick up something (piece of paper?) that had the name “Valentino Ortiz”. The first name “Valentino” is a close approximation, but I don’t feel it was the exact name. I asked, “Who is this… someone I can help?” and I immediately felt the familiar long black tunnel movement that takes me to where I need to be.

I found myself lying face up in the back of an open pickup truck, in the very early morning hours as it was just becoming daylight. I could see all sorts of stuff piled around me in the back of the truck, yet I was cozily tucked into blankets and comfortable with the ride in the back.

I could see two older Mexican-appearing women in the front with a young girl on the far right side. All of them had jet black hair, and the two older women (whom I could only see from the back) had ribbons and bows decorating their hair.

I knew we were on our way to someplace special, and the little girl in the front stood up, looked back at me, and was telling me all about the wonderful festival we were heading to, and how much fun we were going to have. It seems it was a yearly excursion, as I was a young toddler boy (her brother?) and this was to be my first time.

What is interesting, however, is that this little girl (about age 10) had the jet black hair, Mexican features, and a thin well-groomed black moustache, which I initially thought was quite unusual. However, I somehow knew also that this not an unusual feature to see for this group of people, and I was left with the impression that their faces were ‘cat-like’ (?).

I remember once arriving in the town for the festival I could see little shops with lots of different displays, with one that sold stuffed animals that I wanted. I’m thinking (as if I am myself, not the boy) that this family must be affluent enough to stay in the same hotel each year.

Now I’m no longer the little boy, standing off to the side of the street, and I am watching someone sitting across the street holding a very young baby, so small he could be wrapped in a ‘sock’ (?). A female is standing next to me and I realize it is my daughter again!

We take off together, holding hands tightly throughout the entire rest of the experience, moving about this town as she is telling me about her brother, saying “that boy has to do something with the casino… learn stuff about the casino”. I asked “is that what he should look into?” thinking she has some future information that I could use to help my son get established, and she said, “No, but it’d give him something to do for now.”

So I ask her, “Well, what are you going to do?” and she indicated she was going to do something to get enough money for a new bed. I clarified my question and said, “No, in life, what are you going to do with your life? You need to have an overall job, not just earn something to get piece by piece in life.” She then indicated she was interested in psychiatry, which immediately made me think of the previous experience with the “labor board meeting” comment from earlier.

I wanted to ask her more about that and just as we are going up this one street, things started to fade and I could feel her hand slipping from my grip. As the last of the fingers released, I could hear her holler, “No, Mommy, no!” which tugged at my heart center, as I became fully awake.

Once again I record this experience and realized that sleeping in this room was definitely making my experiences more personal. As I settled back in, I now find myself in a house with a Mexican family (not sure if it was the same one) that consisted of a father, mother, another woman (aunt?) and three boys.

I was there helping to fix the meal and they were showing me how to make something with the hot oil in the front room. The middle room was the dining area, completely set up for dinner, and I realized there was a back room where some excitement was going on.

It seems the mother of the family had just given birth to a very, very small baby and the young boys (all about 7-9 years old) were very upset. The one was the older brother of the baby and was talking with his two male cousins about how small the baby is, and how he’s not going to be any fun because he will have problems with his very small size. (I got the feeling this was perhaps the same very small baby I saw in the previous setting after I was out of the truck).

I was sitting with the boys, trying to get them to understand the situation, telling the big brother that it was ok to be mad and upset right now, but then he had to realize that he was needed as the ‘big brother’ to help take care of the baby. Something told me that the mother was not going to be able to have another child and this was the only chance he was going to have to get a sibling. The brother said something about “well, I wish Saul/Seth was still around,” which made me think there was an older brother that passed on previously that he missed.

Then there was more excitement, as someone yelled that we’d better go check on that food cooking. As I enter the middle room I could see flames and smoke coming out of the front room where the hot oil cooking was going on!! I knew we had to call 911, headed for the phone on the counter, but the father ran ahead of me and closed the door to that room. I knew the fire was out of control at this point!

I can still picture him holding the door closed, with a cloth across his mouth and nose, smoke all around, trying to reach for the phone. I felt paralyzed with fear, turned to yell for the others to get out of the house, yet felt as though I had cotton in my mouth and was unable to speak!

I could feel a sense of guilt that I perhaps had caused their home to be lost to fire, and it was at this exact point that I was startled awake, mid-scene, by my husband who was leaving for the day and needed to talk to me. This was the first time ever I have been awakened ‘for real’ during this type of experience, and the startled surprise awakening with a quick transition was very uncomfortable, especially since I was feeling very emotional at the point of waking.

I do not know how all this relates to anything, yet there seems to be an intertwining of events between the three experiences. I have learned that I should just write as I see it, and hope for validation and clarification from others at some point in the future.

At this time, I left a message for my daughter to call me, as I told her she visited me last night and want to correlate this if I can. Keep checking back and I’ll post anything of significance that happens to clarify any of these events.

Meanwhile, any insights or feedback on these experiences will always be greatly appreciated!