91) Meeting Higher Self; Near Physical to Forget?

1/09/09

First time out I had a very easy exit and remembered immediately that I wanted to go inward to my Higher Self. (I had just read about this interesting aspect of yourself that is in control of what you are here to learn – so I was curious what I’d learn.)

I did a little jump and spin (not even sure if I needed to, but it gets me going!), and found myself in the long black tunnel moving backwards as I have been many times before.

However, after a short time in this dark tunnel, I realized there was someone behind me, as I could ‘see’ an arm to the left of where I was sitting. I grabbed the arm, turned around and asked, “Who is here with me?” I saw that it was this young male with a beautiful smile traveling with me!

I feel he was probably an aspect of my Higher Self, as that is what I asked to do if I got OOB. This male however appeared just a bit different than my other meeting with ‘Richard’ in that I think he had lighter, even reddish tint, to his short hair and a pale, but still handsome and smiling face.

I did ask if his name was Richard, but he just smiled saying something like “it is if you want it to be!” He really didn’t answer yes or no. So I called him Richard because he was the one taking me, and that was the only name I knew (see previous blog post # 78 ).

I was so excited to see I could talk with him and I remember saying, “I have so many questions to ask you!” I remember I had the most wonderful conversation with him, asking him many questions and receiving many answers!

The only question I remember asking is, “How come I can’t see?” when we arrived at our destination. Although I could see him, I couldn’t see my surroundings at all, just darkness. The feeling I got for an answer was that I was using what I know, using too much of my physical senses, and trying too hard to see with my physical eyes (or something like that). Once I realized what he meant and ‘let go’, I was able to see fully where I was!

Unfortunately, due to circumstances I believe were planned in advance (read on), I have NO idea where I was, what I saw, or even what we talked about! So frustrating!

In hindsight, I believe what I experienced next was a way of having me forget what I learned! I understand that perhaps it is not the time for me to know this information at this point in my growth and development here in the physical, so I have to be patient and just trust that all is as it should be.

What did happen next was quite confusing at first. I remember being SO excited as the ‘pull back’ transition to consciousness was happening, thinking I wanted to get all this wonderful information recorded quickly! I reached for my recorder, started recording but then realized my recorder was in pieces!!

Now, I have had this ‘false awakening’ happen enough times before that I was able to remember (finally!) that it probably was NOT “really” broken, but another false awakening! So I reached over to where I KNOW I put my recorder, (rolled up in my sleeve) but then was SO surprised to suddenly feel like I rolled right off the couch!!

I’m thinking, ”What is this? Why am I on the floor?” I stand up and wonder, ‘am I really awake and standing or am I OOB?’ I am so confused, but I have to figure out what’s going on, so I start moving toward the front door. (I should have realized that the fact that I had to question it should have confirmed the idea I was truly out, but no…I just continued on!)

I felt so close to physical, I was confused and then I actually felt my foot hit something in the room as I move! This ‘feeling’ just added to my confusion! (This may have been to try to convince me I was ‘really’ awake.)

At the door, I say, “Well I’m just going to take a chance and try moving through the door to the outdoors (again knowing I’ll either pass through it or get a nice bump on the head! lol)

I ‘dive’ through the front door, with an elated sense of satisfaction when I realize I’m AM passing through it! I knew it! (I was right to just continue on without stopping!)

However, now I’m passing through the door, head first (that was new!) and going at such a slow glacial pace that I’m wondering what is going on?! I moved so slowly, almost as though I’m feeling every single atom and molecule!

As I finally get completely through and stand on my front step, I am absolutely awed by the beauty of my front yard!! It was almost as if it ‘opened up’ to reveal an immense field of beauty and depth. I looked up into the most spectacular sky, one that seemed to ‘move’ into infinity! I could see the blue sky as it changed into outer space with stars and planets then entire universes! It was utterly amazing to see! I felt so swept up with being a part of it all!

Realizing I still need to take advantage of being out, I move up into the yard, floating to the trees once again to feel the leaves (to be certain I can) and the joyous freedom of movement I have! I remember thinking, ‘oh, I miss this SO MUCH!’

As I look beyond the hill, I see what appeared to be fireworks shooting off, and I’m pleased to think that they were set off for my benefit! (I guess it seemed to fit my emotional reaction – so that was my thought! Lol)

However, as I moved up the hill out of my front yard and closer to the fireworks, I became aware of some sort of transition. I could see adults on the hillside below me and children running through the field toward the fireworks.

Now, I get a sense of foreboding, as I also see these explosions are no longer fireworks, but have the appearance of ominous artillery firing and bombs exploding! I fear for the children who are getting closer to them so I try to warn the adults to go gather the children! I move down and take one child back to the parents and see that the others are being collected by their parents. There does not seem to be any fear here, however.

Not wanting to stay in this area, I move back to the safety of my own yard and see my usual road at the end of the driveway. Feeling like I’m in familiar territory once again, I move down the driveway to the road. Along this country road, I do a little flip, float backwards, and then see a car traveling below me. I waved hello to them but without any response. As I turned back, I saw the corner of my usual road turn into an intersection that was vaguely familiar.

I was now above a city-type street, one that had many roads converging into it. The next I know I’m inside this building, moving down a hallway past many rooms or areas. I know I have been here before as it has a very familiar feeling to it. The words “Circuit City” came to my mind, but I have not idea what the connection is.

As I go past this one area where there are displays and shelves, I wave to a familiar smiling man who is inside, waving back. I move to the next area where there are children playing on some toys, yet I stay in the hall area without interacting, just looking into these individual rooms.

At the end, I move into this one room with a few young men inside with tables/displays of some sort. They were working there, and I move up to this one young male and starting talking quite flirtatiously with him! I remember saying, “did anyone ever tell you that you were quite cute?” and such…all the time, feeling like this is something this young man needs for his self-image and outlook.

He was quite shy, and I saw ‘through him’ at one point that he had a very jaundiced sickly look to his face. I realized he must have had some sort of liver disease that may have contributed to his lack of positive self-image. I remember thinking that my actions were not for MY needs, but that it was something this young man desperately needed. I transitioned to full wakefulness at this point, trying to recall so many of these details!

I had the feeling that this second experience was probably a way of having me forget what I learned in the first experience with Richard/Higher Self. I KNOW I received so many answers that I was looking for, because I can remember that I was SO excited to start recording that experience when I noticed my broken recorder (which really it wasn’t!!). By creating an immediate confusing transition and having a more involved second part, I would then want to try to remember all those other details and forget what we talked about!

This was a very interesting OBE, as I can see that I have learned some level of ‘knowing’ when it is a false awakening (broken recorder), yet I still have difficulty when I am close to physical in knowing I’m OOB. Thankfully, I don’t stop and question my situation, and that helps.

Being with my guide/Higher Self was extremely powerful, as I still feel that excitement and emotion that persists after my visit. I only wish I had some of the answers that I know I received from him!