87) Meeting "Family"

12/04/08

I decided to try for an OBE with the usual wake-back-to-bed (WBTB) routine this morning when I woke at 3 am. I set the intention of just ‘meeting someone’ without any particulars. Instead of my couch, I went to my daughter’s room for a change of scenery. For a little background information, my 18 year old daughter has not lived at home for the last six months, and I do miss her terribly. She is not far away, yet our time together is limited.

I know the fact that I was sleeping in her room played a major role in the experience I encountered this morning, as her energy is permeated throughout all her belongings left behind that she did not take with her.

After my usual induction, I became sharply aware of my daughter’s presence in the room, softly calling, “Mom….mom!” I didn’t answer her at first because I knew somehow that it could be one of the ‘false awakenings’ I have and wanted to wait it out to see what happened. My daughter then came close, and I could feel her hugging me with her face next to mine.

Once I felt her close hug (mostly on the right side), she started talking very softly about her problems she is encountering with her dad, her car and the tire getting soft, etc. and I could feel her sadness and her need to be with me. Her voice started drifting off, and now I knew I was in the ‘altered realms’ as I could feel the physical vibrations on my left side as she hugged my right side. I knew I could ‘speak’ now (mentally but within the experience I can hear my voice) and I’m telling her to please talk louder as I can’t hear her clearly.

She says, “I can’t get used to this separating stuff, it’s so scary”, and I am trying to allay her fears by saying “you’ll eventually get used to it after a while”….thinking it’s the OOB “separating”, but in hindsight perhaps she meant our actual physical separation that recently occurred (?).

She then said, “but I’m right now in a labor board meeting!” so I asked, “What are you doing there?” I did not get an answer as I started the fade back, with the thought that perhaps this really isn’t my daughter because she would not be doing anything with a ‘labor board meeting’…however, another thought that this may be a future event did cross my mind as I then had the vision of an older female, and so perhaps it IS possible that my daughter may encounter these same OOB ‘separating’ experiences in the future.

After recording, I settle in and quickly find myself sitting in long hallway, where I pick up something (piece of paper?) that had the name “Valentino Ortiz”. The first name “Valentino” is a close approximation, but I don’t feel it was the exact name. I asked, “Who is this… someone I can help?” and I immediately felt the familiar long black tunnel movement that takes me to where I need to be.

I found myself lying face up in the back of an open pickup truck, in the very early morning hours as it was just becoming daylight. I could see all sorts of stuff piled around me in the back of the truck, yet I was cozily tucked into blankets and comfortable with the ride in the back.

I could see two older Mexican-appearing women in the front with a young girl on the far right side. All of them had jet black hair, and the two older women (whom I could only see from the back) had ribbons and bows decorating their hair.

I knew we were on our way to someplace special, and the little girl in the front stood up, looked back at me, and was telling me all about the wonderful festival we were heading to, and how much fun we were going to have. It seems it was a yearly excursion, as I was a young toddler boy (her brother?) and this was to be my first time.

What is interesting, however, is that this little girl (about age 10) had the jet black hair, Mexican features, and a thin well-groomed black moustache, which I initially thought was quite unusual. However, I somehow knew also that this not an unusual feature to see for this group of people, and I was left with the impression that their faces were ‘cat-like’ (?).

I remember once arriving in the town for the festival I could see little shops with lots of different displays, with one that sold stuffed animals that I wanted. I’m thinking (as if I am myself, not the boy) that this family must be affluent enough to stay in the same hotel each year.

Now I’m no longer the little boy, standing off to the side of the street, and I am watching someone sitting across the street holding a very young baby, so small he could be wrapped in a ‘sock’ (?). A female is standing next to me and I realize it is my daughter again!

We take off together, holding hands tightly throughout the entire rest of the experience, moving about this town as she is telling me about her brother, saying “that boy has to do something with the casino… learn stuff about the casino”. I asked “is that what he should look into?” thinking she has some future information that I could use to help my son get established, and she said, “No, but it’d give him something to do for now.”

So I ask her, “Well, what are you going to do?” and she indicated she was going to do something to get enough money for a new bed. I clarified my question and said, “No, in life, what are you going to do with your life? You need to have an overall job, not just earn something to get piece by piece in life.” She then indicated she was interested in psychiatry, which immediately made me think of the previous experience with the “labor board meeting” comment from earlier.

I wanted to ask her more about that and just as we are going up this one street, things started to fade and I could feel her hand slipping from my grip. As the last of the fingers released, I could hear her holler, “No, Mommy, no!” which tugged at my heart center, as I became fully awake.

Once again I record this experience and realized that sleeping in this room was definitely making my experiences more personal. As I settled back in, I now find myself in a house with a Mexican family (not sure if it was the same one) that consisted of a father, mother, another woman (aunt?) and three boys.

I was there helping to fix the meal and they were showing me how to make something with the hot oil in the front room. The middle room was the dining area, completely set up for dinner, and I realized there was a back room where some excitement was going on.

It seems the mother of the family had just given birth to a very, very small baby and the young boys (all about 7-9 years old) were very upset. The one was the older brother of the baby and was talking with his two male cousins about how small the baby is, and how he’s not going to be any fun because he will have problems with his very small size. (I got the feeling this was perhaps the same very small baby I saw in the previous setting after I was out of the truck).

I was sitting with the boys, trying to get them to understand the situation, telling the big brother that it was ok to be mad and upset right now, but then he had to realize that he was needed as the ‘big brother’ to help take care of the baby. Something told me that the mother was not going to be able to have another child and this was the only chance he was going to have to get a sibling. The brother said something about “well, I wish Saul/Seth was still around,” which made me think there was an older brother that passed on previously that he missed.

Then there was more excitement, as someone yelled that we’d better go check on that food cooking. As I enter the middle room I could see flames and smoke coming out of the front room where the hot oil cooking was going on!! I knew we had to call 911, headed for the phone on the counter, but the father ran ahead of me and closed the door to that room. I knew the fire was out of control at this point!

I can still picture him holding the door closed, with a cloth across his mouth and nose, smoke all around, trying to reach for the phone. I felt paralyzed with fear, turned to yell for the others to get out of the house, yet felt as though I had cotton in my mouth and was unable to speak!

I could feel a sense of guilt that I perhaps had caused their home to be lost to fire, and it was at this exact point that I was startled awake, mid-scene, by my husband who was leaving for the day and needed to talk to me. This was the first time ever I have been awakened ‘for real’ during this type of experience, and the startled surprise awakening with a quick transition was very uncomfortable, especially since I was feeling very emotional at the point of waking.

I do not know how all this relates to anything, yet there seems to be an intertwining of events between the three experiences. I have learned that I should just write as I see it, and hope for validation and clarification from others at some point in the future.

At this time, I left a message for my daughter to call me, as I told her she visited me last night and want to correlate this if I can. Keep checking back and I’ll post anything of significance that happens to clarify any of these events.

Meanwhile, any insights or feedback on these experiences will always be greatly appreciated!

86) Black Hole and a Retrieval

11/27/08

Finally, after many unusual OBEs over the past few weeks, I think I have put together some answers as to why I was having these changes. You will remember that my exits have varied, from the lightest, simplest type feelings to the most heavy, cumbersome sensations with difficulty moving and actual physical ‘touch’ sensations.

Last night (this morning actually) it seems I had a chance to help someone who was unable to pass over completely, as another ‘soul retrieval’. I have been asking many times lately for the chance to help others in this capacity once again; similar to the fantastic OBE I had with Stephanie (see #52 in my blog). However, it when it didn’t happen after many requests, I made other plans last night (intention) to go see JP should I get out.

I DO remember, however, having the thought just prior to sleep that since it was Thanksgiving that it WOULD be nice if I could show my gratitude and find someone to help…so I’m wondering if that thought was put there as an indication of what was to happen!

The first exit I recall was an easy exit, one that I knew I could just climb out and move through the door to my bedroom porch. From there I remembered I had wanted to go visit JP this time, and started to drift upward. I was a bit discouraged though to find myself back in bed, waking up!

So I intended again, and became aware of sensations where I thought I might be able to exit. This time, it was the ‘heavy’ exit, and it literally felt as though I was ‘pouring myself’ out of body, off the side of the bed! I was so ‘thick’ that I could not be certain whether I was actually falling off the side of the bed or exiting!! lol

Getting to a standing position next to the bed, I moved to the door, and upon easily passing through it to the porch, it gave me the validation I was indeed OOB. This time, however, I was amazed at the ‘physical’ touch sensations returning, as I clearly felt the railing of the porch under my hands.

In hindsight, I now know that this exit was very close to ‘physical realm’, hence the ability to be OOB yet have tactile senses, which was necessary for the encounter that followed.

I suddenly found myself back in bed, lying on my right side (as I knew I really was), and felt these big strong arms encircling my chest from behind! My mind was reeling at first, not knowing what was going on, as I knew this was NOT my husband! I remember yelling, ‘No!’ and moving away, yet for some reason I didn’t move far.

I heard a male voice say, ‘But we had so much fun the last time!’ and this again sent my mind thinking ‘what is going on here??!’ I was in a state of confusion, and yet remaining calm (as best I could!), and was given the knowledge that something unusual was happening when I then heard this same male voice say in a child-like quality, “but I’m so afraid of falling into that big black hole!”

It was then that I realized someone was here that needed my help, and I instinctively knew it was a mentally challenged older adult male. Apparently I had been with him before, as he remembered the ‘fun’ we had at another time (probably one of those lost recalls I had!)

Now I realized I had to get him to talk to me and open to the possibility of other seeing other ‘people’ to help him to pass over. (His spirit guides who he cannot see due to his belief and fear of the ‘black hole’). I asked, ‘so why are you so afraid of the black hole?’ as I moved to upright position with him next to me in the bedroom.

There was no answer to this question and I knew right away it was not the right approach. So now I say, ‘so how about we play a game?’ and he was much delighted with this idea. I said this game would involved searching for ‘things’ as I wanted him to get into the mode of looking for things he would not usually be receptive to.

I asked, ‘how about we look for a kitty-cat?’ and he said, no, he didn’t like them. So I said, “well, I know you like puppy dogs, so let’s go look for a puppy dog!” His excitement was obvious, so I added one more idea to his thinking by saying, ‘but the game is so much more fun if we had more people to play with us!’

At this time, I distinctly heard a female voice come from the bedroom door area, indicating she was there and wanted to play with us. (In hindsight, this had to have been his guide, waiting for the chance to be seen – but I did not see anyone, just heard her.) I told the man, ‘look, Mary is here, and wants to play with us!’ and we all started the game of searching for the puppy.

What is odd is that during this entire time of interacting with the male, I was in a darkened room with very limited vision, and really just moved about by ‘feel’. I was not able to see him clearly, but I had the feeling he was a tall, lanky, thin male. I never even thought about asking him his name!

The next recall I have is of this male lying contentedly and happily in his bed, very much similar to the way I last saw Stephanie. I moved next to him, stroked his face with my hand, and told him I was going to tell him a story to help him sleep. It was at this time I was able to actually see his face – long thin large-featured face – with a big smile!

I felt myself transitioning back to fully awake as I sat by him, becoming aware I was in my same sleeping position as I started this experience. Realizing what just happened, I was once again taken in by the awesome feeling of joy and happiness that ended this experience, and expressed my extreme gratitude for allowing me to once again be of assistance to someone who needed some help.

To me, this was the best way to spend Thanksgiving Day!

85) Using Intention for Tactile Awareness; Recording Issues

11/23/08

With the advice that I may be hindering my own experiences by believing I was ‘too stressed’ to do them (thanks, Robot_Butler!), I made a specific attempt to get OOB last night with positive affirmations and beliefs that I could do so! As you will read, it did work (!) although it was only for short excursions, but at least I also had some new learning.

I am on my couch and after my usual induction, realize I am staring at an object in the room yet knew that my eyes were closed. I thought then I must be able to get out, so I just attempted to climb off the couch as if awake, not waiting for any usual signal.

Now I know I am OOB as I felt the very heavy and very strong tugging once again. I fall to the floor, trying to pull away, looking at front door and affirming, “to the door!” I find I am not moving easily, so I turned over to look back at couch and can see the ‘lumps’ of me under the blankets. At that point I was able to move easier to the front door and out to the front step. (Did my ‘mind’ have to see this to believe I was out?)

Outside, I’m thinking of what I wanted to do, thought about visiting JP, but then just started floating up and enjoying the freedom of spirit. I also remember that, despite my strong desire to “flip, fly, and zoom” (lol) once again, I had wanted to do something ‘constructive’ if I got out.

As I’m floating up, I was surprised to hear what sounded like a radio announcer voice (male) coming from behind me. I turned back, saw no one, so I asked “who’s there?” and “does anyone want to talk to me?”

I hear the static-type words in response to my questions, although I could not make out any specific words. I say, “I’m sorry but I can’t understand” and then heard it again, but now in a different position, as if moving away. I decided to follow where the voice was going, even though I had no idea what it was saying. I did ask, “Is it ok if I follow you?” as we moved up higher into the starry sky. Hearing the same static voice response and not knowing if it was ok, I said, “Well, if it’s not ok then just let me go to where it is best for me right now.”

Immediately I felt the usual backward bumpy ride through a long black tunnel and when the moving sensation stopped, I found myself pulled up into this station platform of sorts.

I find myself very much aware of standing on this platform, with a very sharp transition of consciousness. It was very unusual transition, and it felt like I had been there already and just became awake and functional in a new ‘form’.

People were walking back and forth, and I could see the exit beyond. I felt I was supposed to meet someone, so I was hoping they would recognize me and make an attempt to communicate. I made eye contact with a young blond female who smiled, and yet she continued to walk past me.

There was an entirely different ‘feel’ to this area, a very ‘real’ concrete appearance and sensations. My ‘body’ no longer felt the lightness as it did prior to getting here.

With all the new sensations, as well as my concern that no one in particular was going to meet me here, I think I had my ‘real life’ fears of being in a strange place, unassisted and without a means of communication settle in. It was due to these new feelings and subsequent fears that I immediately found myself back in body on the couch, not able to investigate this ‘station’ further.

After recording the last experience, I settled back in for another attempt, thinking I might want to stay in the near physical and visit my mother’s house down the road. The second exit was much easier, again with no clear signal, I just knew when it was time to climb out. This time I felt that strong tugging, but pulling me toward the bedroom hallway, similar to a previous experience. I felt unsteady and was trying to regain control, as I remembered that the last time I went down that hallway my experience ended quickly.

I regained my control and headed out the front window. I aim for my mother’s house, and recall seeing the same trees along the path that are there in real life. I put my arms out to feel the hanging branches, enjoying the texture changes as I passed through them. I stopped, thought that it might be interested to see if I could ‘physically’ touch them, and then made the attempt to shake the limbs.

Looking back toward my house I was amazed that I had the ability to make these branches ‘physically’ move, seeing their response to my intention to move them, despite the fact I was just able to pass through them a moment ago. I realized it was my intention to now move them that gave me the ability to do so.

I continued on to the house but realized it was very early morning (I recall even checking a clock to see what time it was!) Realizing no one will be awake even though I saw a light on, I faded back to full awareness on the couch. In hindsight, I’m sure it was my expectation that no one would be around that stopped this experience.

The third exit this night was different in that I became aware I was recording a previous OBE while riding in a car! I recognized this as ‘not right’ so I started a “running commentary” in my recording as to what I am doing because I knew I was aware that I am ‘dreaming’.

The car moved up a steep hill I recall being near my home, and then as it started rolling down the hill, I knew it was going to roll over and so I took that as a signal for exit to become OOB. I am flying high, heading back toward my mother’s house and can now look down to see my dog Buddy running under me and barking. I holler to him, ‘come on, Buddy!’ hoping to have him join me, but for some reason this time he didn’t.

Once again I can feel the textures as I go through things, and it was very hard to try to remember just what it was that I wanted to do. I then remembered, “oh yeah, go inward now!” as I started to spin to induce it.

I could feel the physical ‘touch’ of things all around me as I spun which was not usual and caught me off guard. I wondered why I could feel these physical sensations and stopped the spinning. Immediately, the experience ended and I felt it may have been due to my concern that I was able to tangibly feel objects around me.

This exit was different in that I found myself using my tape recorder recalling a previous OBE, then realizing it isn’t right so continued taping as I took control.

This led to my last experience where I find I am once again recording another OBE experience I just had, talking through each and every step, only to become fully awake shortly thereafter and realizing nothing has been recorded! All I have for recall of my last exit this night is the fact that I was walking along a fence while recording.

Somehow while recording, I let go of hanging onto what I just did because I ‘knew’ it was being taped, so when I fully awaken, there is no memory. Now I am wondering if the act of recording my experiences is possibly hindering my ability to recall, as it seems to now be incorporated into a ‘false awakening’ of sorts.

84) Kindness to Undesirables

**NEW COMMENTARY AT END**

I have been having some very different types of ‘dreams’ and OBEs lately in the sense that I feel I do not have the control or ability to determine my movements in a pre-planned manner.

I thought since there aren’t any great experiences to report, I would still share a sample of what I am encountering at this time. The past few weeks have been rather upsetting and disconcerting for me, and I know this always plays a role in my OOB experiences, usually in reducing the frequency of exit. However, I know I am still ‘getting out’, but have neither the recall nor the ability to determine my movements as I once did.

11/19/08

I became aware of my signal that I was ready to roll out and attempted to move. It was very difficult to get up out of the body as I had to exit from my side instead of straight up. It was dark once again, feeling blind and heavy, yet I could hear noises clearly. There were conversations and white static type noise drifting in and out.

I knew due to my real life issues that concentrating would be difficult so I had set the intention prior to meet with my guide Richard and ask for his help. While standing there, I remembered to ask, “Richard, where are you?” and immediately received the answer from the other side of the front door, “I am here”. However, it was just too heavy and thick to move and I reentered my body and faded back to being aware.

Shortly thereafter, I exited a second time, but once again had no control. I felt as though I was being pulled backward down the other bedroom hallway (one I have never traveled down before in an OBE). I could feel my arms out to my sides, and the different textures as we passed through the various walls and objects. I could feel the floating and flying sensation, however, it faded to blackness and I have no further recall.

A third time this same night I was aware of being awake and feeling the vibrations start. I was consciously able to increase and decrease their intensity, sometimes to the point of being almost painful. I was not able to exit, but then realized my ‘astral vision’ was opening as I clearly saw ‘into’ the aperture that was opening. I knew I was lying on the couch, looking up into the most beautiful starry sky once again, but through a ‘windshield’ of sorts, that quickly became a canopy of leaves. I knew I was wide awake, in a very light state of consciousness and yet seeing the night sky as it was framed by the gentle sway of leaves on trees.

It was also during this timeframe that I recall seeing my husband and son come into the living room and leaving through the front door, as I felt there had been a fire call they had to respond to (both volunteer firemen). I was astonished later that morning upon talking with him that there was no fire call and that he and my son did not ever leave the house! It had to have been a false awakening and I had no idea!

11/15/08

I am not classifying this experience as dream or OBE, as I just have no idea which it was. Honestly though, I feel there is no difference anyway when it comes to symbolism and meaning. There is always something to learn from both!

I was aware I was in the process of helping some people that needed my assistance. I remember these people were of the ‘homeless, destitute, unkempt’ type individuals and I was giving them a place to stay. For some reason, I had a ‘wig’ I would put on that would make me more ‘like them’ so that I would ‘fit in’ better. (It appeared to me to be a ‘dreadlock’ type wig). For some reason, a few wanted to leave in the middle of the night, and I was busy trying to make sure they would be safe once they left the house.

Next recall I have is that I am in another area and see one of these ‘messy-hair’ men along the way. He is upset that someone had broken his ‘control’ stick so I handed him mine that I knew I had just bought prior to coming. He was most appreciative of my gesture.

I continued on into another room, this one made entirely of cold, dark, dank stone. There was this disheveled young male in there with very dark (makeup-type) circles under his eyes giving him a creepy disturbing image. I remember thinking I should be afraid, yet I had no fear.

I looked around the room and walked to the back corner. Standing there, I was amazed as I watched this light colored jar/jug move on its own closer to me, and then quickly change into a ‘white light’ area on the floor with a saying written inside this area. I am not sure the exact wording but it registered as something akin to ‘loving one another’ or ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ or something to that effect.

As I read it, I acknowledged it as a ‘religious truth’ to live by, and the young man walks up to me. He’s telling me all about how “big this will be” (as he is pointing to the far corner of the room), “it’ll be made all out of chrome”. I said “What will be? What are you making?” and I get the word ‘centomere’ (?sp) or ‘sarcomere’. (I got the feeling it was a closed box of some kind - ?casket-like?)

Not knowing what that is, I ask ‘what is that for?’ and he says, “it’s for your kindness”. I felt so appreciative of this gesture, realizing he wanted to build this in tribute to me and my ‘kindness’. I try to say, ‘oh no, it’s not necessary’ and so on, but I was immediately brought back to full awareness with the feeling that I was not to say this and should allow him to show his appreciation.

In reviewing the recording, the word ‘centomere’ was repeated three times, so I’m assuming that is how it registered to me. I have no idea if such a thing exists, however, in this experience, it did!

COMMENTARY:

My thanks once again for Keith and his research into the 'centromere' and 'chrome' references, as well as it's possible link to 'consciousness'!! Wow, just amazing! Its too much to be 'just a coincidence'!!

Keith wrote:
Concerning the word “centomere” which will be all make out of “chrome,” I’ve been pondering this today. This may have no connection, but I looked up the word “centomere” on google. I didn’t find it; however, I found a word that was spelled quite similar: “centromere.” According to what I read: “A centromere is the constricted region near the center of a human chromosome. This is the region of the chromosome where the two sister chromatids are joined to one another.” I do find it interesting that you noticed a word “centomere” which was to be something build out of chrome for your kindness. There may be no connnection here. However, the word “centromere” is very similar to “centomere,” AND “chromosome” and “chrome” are similar.

I did some further research, and I discovered an article entitled: “Is Centrioles or Centromere the Center of Consciousness?”

Here is the introduction to this article:

Modern day consciousness research is centered around centrioles, an organel that emerges during the cell division and divides and move to the poles, develops spindle fibers that attaches to the centromere of the chromosome to split and pull them to two poles to cause the division. This branch of research was initiated by a brilliant Anesthetist Dr. Stuart Hameroff who teamed with equally brilliant quantum physicist Roger Penrose.

But the question here is centrioles the center of consciousness. A little logical analysis of the process of cell division should tilt our focus from the centrioles to centromere. Let us quickly review the steps involved cell division. . .

Anyway, the article takes off from there and goes on for another 50 plus pages. I’m not a quantum physicist, but the little I read was so fasinating. Again, I may be off on a wild goose chase. At any rate, my own search of “centromeres” has lead me to information on consciousness that I wasn’t aware of before, so thank you for your “hint.”

SEE NEW COMMENTARY ON #82 Symbolic Dream

83) Leaving Traces; False Awakening Understanding

11/12/08

I was awakened at 3:33 this am, which told me that something was up. However, in attempting to induce, I found myself unable to relax due to my mind thinking over the events of my personal life right now.

So I got up, did a little work I had neglected lately, and after two hours or so went back to bed. Feeling tired, I remembered all the wonderful emails and posts I received from many of you who responded to my email and forum requests for energy and healing support at this time.

Feeling the strong loving energy surrounding me, I was easily able to relax and fall asleep. My next recall was my usual ‘signal’ – I became aware of a ‘transitioning’ movement sensation, and realized my left leg was floating straight up!

I was excited to think I’d be able to get out and immediately moved to quickly roll out as usual. However, I was SO surprised to see that I was feeling held back in some way, as if I was being told to move S-L-O-W-L-Y. I couldn’t understand at first, but listened to the feeling, especially since I could tell someone was holding onto that left leg and not letting me swing it out off the bed!! LoL

I gently moved the leg back down in place, and then slowly ‘climbed’ straight out of my body! Standing next to the bed I was once again totally amazed at the clarity of this exit, with full vision and stable soft movements. No tugging or pulling, even this close to my body. I vaguely recall that may have even been able to see my own body on the bed, at least my legs! The room was exactly as it should be, and I moved easily to the porch door and out.

Once on the second floor porch, I looked over the railing and was just astounded at the beauty of the back yard and the clarity of vision I had. Looking to the hill on my left, I noticed taillights of a truck going into the back fields (where my son does some hunting) and remarked, ‘oh look, Stephen’s going hunting!’

I moved gently through the rail, even now remembering how it appeared to look down to the driveway below. Floating softly down, I was surprised to see my dog Buddy racing out the same porch door and right through the same railing to catch up with me! (He has accompanied me a few times before in my OOBEs)

On the ground, I take the time to just enjoy the pleasure and peacefulness of being out. I don’t recall exactly what else I did, but I do remember at one point floating up to the top of the pine trees we have in the yard and seeing a vine growing all through its branches.

It was a familiar vine, one that I knew broke off easily, which gave me the idea that I should break off a piece of vine and move it somewhere that I would be able to find after I woke up! I don’t know how I had this thought, as I have never before sought to leave ‘traces’ during an OBE that I would later hope to validate once awake. I left the broken piece of vine in the center of the driveway, thinking it would be noticed there.

I was excited to think I might finally be able to verify my experience with this idea so I went back to get another piece, wanting to place this one in a very obvious place for verification. I broke off another piece and then was distracted by noises coming from the forested area behind me. I thought I heard voices, and felt that I wanted to go see whoever was back there. I threw the vine toward the driveway, not really caring where it went, and took off for the forest.

My recollection ends there, as I became aware again of being back in bed, only to later realize it was a false awakening. In hindsight, I realize that it is my ‘real life’ concerns that play out in these false awakenings, as the issues that occurred are issues I am dealing with currently with my family.

During the false awakening experience, I am aware of my ‘shortcomings’ in how I am handling certain family situations and how I am feeling toward my husband and daughter (this one). I didn’t like the way I felt in the false awakening scenes. However, upon fully awakening, I see that it was all ‘false’ and that it is simply an issue that I need to deal with in real life, as it didn’t really happen. (I hope this makes sense, but I didn’t want to bore you with the family issue details).

I attempted to write down the details of this dream, as my recorder was not handy. As I am writing, I know I am forgetting something. Suddenly, I hear a gunshot from the back fields, and quickly recall that I had seen the taillights going into the back fields at the beginning of the experience! That timing of the gunshot was not by chance, I am sure!

I went outside to the driveway in hopes of maybe finding SOME evidence of my travel this morning; however, there was nothing to be found. However, my son DID call a short while later to let me know it WAS him in the back fields sighting in his guns to get ready for the hunting season that starts in a few days!

82) Symbolic Dream of Busy Life?

This is a first for my blog as I feel this experience is not a full OOB experience, however, the intensity and emotional impact it has left me with leaves me little doubt of it's importance. Therefore, I'm sharing it with you even though it appears to have personal symbolic meaning for my life right now.

As I have found, there is little OOB traveling done when there are many 'life issues' that need to be dealt with leaving little time and energy left for other pursuits. The Universe knows when I need time to focus on work, school, and family and this is one of those times. I know when the 'issues' settle, I'll return to my OOB experiences. I do hope, though, that it will be sooner than later!!

This dream was during a 'refresher' nap I had to take mid-day after being called into work at 3am for an emergency. What is interesting is that I felt the same strong transition upon waking as if awakening from an OBE. I am curious to know if anyone else can understand any of the symbology presented in this dream.

I'm calling it a dream because I have no recall of being 'out', yet I was an integral part of this lucid dream, as it unfolded in short little clips of different segments.

The first recollection I had was that I was watching someone skydiving, and suddenly was aware that there was problem with his chute! It had become tangled in what looked like a large tree trunk (with branches! lol) and he started spinning out of control.

Now, what is interesting is that I then felt like I BECAME this individual, as I could 'see' the spinning sensation of sky/earth/sky and knew I had to stop the spin and stablize the horizon to get my bearing as to what is up and down before attempting to release the stuck cords to the 'tree'. I remember 'hearing' this as HIS thoughts, as though I was within him. I even remember thinking to MYself, as I'm hearing his thoughts, "wow, I'm so impressed he can stay this calm with what is going on!"

Next recollection is watching him land safely, taking those few short steps as if the chute had deployed and the landing was uneventful. However, I 'knew' he had landed nowhere near where he had expected to be, and the few individuals who saw him were quite shocked at his sudden appearance! (I felt it was out west, New Mexico? came to mind, and it was quite flat and dry appearing)

Next segment was of people anxiously waiting outside a building for this man's arrival. There were dignitaries there (as noted by the sashes worn across their chests) and I felt the honoree was some sort of 'veteran'. Their emotions were felt to be of great concern, knowing this man had a problem that few could overcome, and they were saddened to think that he may not have made it through his difficulties. A few people started to walk away in tears, assuming he didn't make it.

The next segment was the MOST emotional for me, as I felt so totally absorbed by the event. I watched (and felt) such elation, joy, and pride as this man was making his entrance into a room full of people who were cheering and overjoyed at his arrival. There was music (I can still hear the drumming, patriotic type tune that made you just want to burst with pride!) and adoration that so encompassed the entire event, that I actually felt overwhelmed.

I slowly became aware of the fact it was a 'dream' as I felt that transition to waking consciousness on a very profound level as well, due to the extreme change in emotional response.

COMMENTARY:
I wish to thank Josh for his insight into one possible meaning for this dream and his encouraging words of support:

Wow, well that is quite a dream. I believe any such experience that provides you with the levels of feelings and emotions you have described should never be ignored. Even just the fact that you were wondering if it meant anything means that it did, at least that how it works for me.

If it was just a dream that was supposed to mean something, I believe your subconscious or your mind would have disregarded it as just that and there would have been no question. I think the real question is, what does it mean?

To me, it seems like this dream could mean a lot of different things. Maybe the person with the parachute problem is supposed to represent you . You are "spinning out of control" with how busy you are. Your personal parachute isn't working, but that isn't stopping you.

You just found another way to "land safely" without your original plan, the parachute. But, you are headstrong, self reliant, and confident. So when you were back on solid ground, you walked away from it as if there was no problem, even though you were in a familiar place.

Maybe the people crying, not thinking you made it, giving you up for lost or dead, maybe that represents anyone in your life (I'm assuming most in your life) that has looked at how your life was going and figured you just weren't going to make it. You weren't going to succeed. They gave you up for lost or dead and began mourning your failure before it even happened.

Then something happens, or happened, where you do succeed, and the people that are around you don't doubt you and celebrate your success. They don't care that you succeeded in an unconventional fasion, they are just happy to see you are where you can be happy.

Of course, this is just one possibility. That can really only work if the person in the dream represented you. It could have represented someone else, or even a force in your life. It's difficult to tell. But if I had to guess at it, that would be my take.

So what you have to do is take a step back, look at the dream for what it represents to you, and see if anything matches. If what I said aboslutely does not match with anything you feel it may mean, then you have to go with your gut instinct, because it is your mind that created the dream, after all. But, if anything I said matches with what may be going on, then that is a two to nothing shot for being what it means.

I believe our minds, our subconscious, unconscious, and souls are very cryptic, but by no means uninterpretable. I believe the only reason for all the symbolism is because it is difficult for something as high as our souls to communicate with something as low as our brains, so it does the best it cans to make sense of the information being processed. It isn't the fault of the mind, it is the fault of the brain.
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My 'gut' instinct was telling me it was very symbolic for something relating to my life right now. I feel that despite the apparent 'spinning out of control' I feel right now, that I would once again conquer the difficulties with eventual recognition for my hard work and effort. Josh was able to support many of my own feelings toward this experience, which validates for me the significance of its relationship to my life.

In hindsight, I was even thinking that the 'tree' that my lines were tangled in could have been symbolic of the 'tree of life'!! :) Thanks Josh!
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I wanted to add another commentary from Keith that I received that validates the same symbolism that Josh related to in his commentary. In hindsight now, a few days later, I have come to witness this exact 'spinning out of control' and 'releasing of cords' that the dream signified. Little did I know how 'calm and in control' I could be all due to the fact that I knew the ending WILL be happy, but perhaps just not as I expected!

Keith wrote:
You mentioned that your dream of the skydiving man was a very powerful emotional experience for you and that you welcome any insight from others. Please know that I've never read a "dream interpretation" book, so I'm far from being an expert in this area. However, for what it's worth here are my impressions:

--You were the "observer" of this dream, or drama, as it unfolded. There was a sense of "space" between you and the event. This indicates to me that you were able to maintain some sense of detachment even though this was such a powerful event for you. (Perhaps, your meditation is assisting you in observing things with more detachment.)

--The character in this drama that you identified most closely with was the man in the chute. His chute was entangled in a "tree with branches." I think you were correct in that this "tree" represents both the human family's "tree of life" and "your own family tree." The feelings were: "spinning out-of-control" and "plunging towards the earth." Both very apt imagery of aspects of your life experiences right now.

--You mentioned that he/you had to "stabilize" before he/you could "release" the stuck "cords" from the "tree." Each of these words I have put "quotation marks" around are rich in symbolism. Just sit with each for a moment and it will reveal itself to you.

--You mentioned that as you "observed" this event, you were able to get into "his" mind and experiences his thoughts. A part of you was so impressed at how calm he [might I suggest this is also the inner you] was.

--You mention that he landed safely, but it wasn't where he had "expected." Ah life, it truly is wonderful and amazing when we let go of expectation of how it "should" be and how it is "suppose" to be. I'm sure you can relate to these feelings so well.

--Finally, you mentioned that a group of people--you mention that these were dignitaries as signified by their sashes across their chests--had been waiting for this man's/your arrival. Might I suggest, that these are representative of the "spirit guides" you have been working with. They are beings whose "wisdom, experience, and power" are equal or greater than your own. Some of the people waiting could empathize with the difficulty of the journey you've been on and were concerned that "you/he" may not make it.

--You mention that this "homecoming" was the most emotional part of the dream for you. I find it so appropriate that this person/you seemed to be some kind of veteran. A "veteran" symbolizes one who has been refined through the heat of battle. This is a sending of "assurance" that you will "hear the music" and that you will make it and arrive safely home.

For you in this incidence, the "tune" you chose was a drumming "patriotic-type" tune. How beautiful and appropriate for a "soldier" who has arrived home from battle.

Anyway, these are my thoughts at this moment. Perhaps they will help you find more "space" to see this event with more clarity.

81) Controlling Thoughts; Incomplete Memories

11/03/08
I moved to my ‘traveling couch’ as usual and used my visualizations and affirmations to get into the right mind state as I fell back to sleep. Here is where I become aware of being in vibrations, with short light bursts of vibrations at first. Knowing this is my signal I am about to move out, I affirm and intensify these vibrations, willing them to become stronger and stronger.

At the height of intensity, I make my move and find instead of ‘rolling out’ as I usually do, I practically jump out of my body! Once again I am amazed at the clarity of my senses…no blindness, no pulling or tugging, just perfect vision and a flowing ease of movement.

Easily I glide to the door, not even having to consciously ‘affirm’ my intentions... just thinking of the door starts my movement!

My brother Wayne was here and talking to someone about something he wasn’t supposed to have done. I knew it was middle of the night, and wondered why he was here so late. I was in the front yard and remembered I had wanted to do “inward now!”

However, my attention was on his truck as he climbed into it to drive away. I flew to the top of the truck, and was surprised to see my dog Buddy on top with me! As he starts to drive away, I jump down and decide I’d like to try to race him, knowing I could go as fast as I wanted with only my intention.

Having decided to test my speeding abilities, I forgot about wanting to do inward now. I see him driving fast down the local road, and I race to catch up alongside him. I’m doing the ‘Superman’ pose, and thinking very clearly that it is my thoughts that are driving my actions. I am enjoying the speed as I see oncoming traffic heading toward me. I briefly think about a potential collision, yet still knowing that I would just pass through anything that I encountered. However, I took note that my speed slowed down upon the very thought of fear and potential collision.

The scene transitioned to another room where my brother was talking with someone about being accused wrongly of something, and I knew he was starting up with some sort of drama that I didn’t want to participate in. As left the room, I noticed two young female twins, about aged 10, that were very familiar, smiling at me. I knew I had seen them before, yet could not remember where.

Once into the hallway, I remembered I wanted to do ‘Inward now!’ and did so. I immediately had the usual movement sensation and found myself still in the hallway, but with my vision now clouded and hazy. I could hear a ball game playing on the radio or TV, and twice yelled out, “is anyone there?” There was no response and I tried to move, yet found my movements awkward and difficult.

The rest of the experience is only vague snapshots of memories that I recorded without any cohesiveness. I know I was looking for a young teacher who was needed to teach ‘newborn’ and ‘6-12’ (?) There were ‘other’ temporary teachers there, as they were ‘covering’ for others, because there were many other ‘missing’ teachers . I was there introducing myself, and do not recall what I was to do, but I do know computers somehow played a part in my role there.

This was not one of my best OBE’s, yet it started with such clarity of vision and thinking. I just don’t know what is going on with my OBEs in that I feel I am not having the great learning experiences I have had in the past.

This may in part be due to the high level of stress and time constraints that I feel I have in my personal and professional life right now. So, I guess, it just may be that I need to be a bit more patient in my endeavors and know that when the time is right, my learning experiences will return in full bloom. Patience is a virtue, but it IS a difficult one for me!

80) Earth from Space; Picture Blending

Another short OBE, and one that is not as 'in depth', but still I thought I'd share!

3:15am 10/28/08

With the last two experiences being totally spontaneous (which means without moving to the couch and mentally preparing myself with affirmations and visualizations), I thought I’d try once again, upon going to sleep, to mentally request help and guidance from those ‘who are at or above my level of development’ and if it was possible to experience another spontaneous OBE.

Somehow the knowing that help is there for the asking is more deeply ingrained within my subconscious, so I felt it was something I needed to try to validate this new understanding. I was surprised and thrilled to awaken from another spontaneous OBE a short while later!!

My first recall was lying in bed, with my husband intently watching me as he knew I was attempting to get into the proper mind frame for OBE travelling. (In real life, he was sleeping next to me, as I apparently was). I could hear him say to someone, ‘watch, she’s going out!’ as if he was concerned that I was going into this trance. I was fully aware of his concern, yet knew I wanted to do this so continued on. I was reading words as they scrolled on a monitor next to my bed that placed me in this ‘trance, and was able feel the movement into this altered state as I read.

At some point, I just knew I was ready to ‘get out’. I don’t have any recollection as to what the signal was, but remember once again thinking that if I even have the smallest thought that I was ‘ready’ I should go with it! So instead of rolling out, it felt like I just ‘walked out’ this time and headed for the porch door.

Once I moved through the door to the porch I knew I was out for certain. Standing outside, I could feel the rain, and remembered it was pouring when I feel asleep (which it was in real life).

However, despite being a distance away, I still felt the very strong tugging, pulling me back to body. Not wanting to let it pull me back, I just tumbled over the railing to the ground, feeling the rail as I passed through.

On the ground I realize I’m blind, in pure blackness, and as I move, I know I am passing through things as I can feel the texture changes. In an attempt to clear up my vision, I remember affirming, ‘clarity now!’ twice, yet with no results!

Not being sure where I was, I figured I’d just shoot straight up like a rocket to the far reaches of the solar system, wanting to see the Earth from outer space once again.

As I moved upward, the movement vibration changed, and it became the familiar black tunnel as I have previously experienced.

At some point, I could see the Earth in all its blue and white beauty, and realized I was still moving away, backwards! The Earth became smaller and smaller, and at the point where it became the size of a beach ball (that’s what my thoughts were – it’s a beach ball!), I heard the words, “It is whatever you think it is”. At that point, I knew it was a beach ball, so I playfully batted it away as if a toy!

There is some loss of recall here, because the next memory I recorded is the ending that is just a bit confusing to write about as I don’t fully remember its meaning, which I know I had at the time.

I saw a series of pictures, and knew these were my ‘saved’ pictures that I could blend into. You move into what you save, and these pictures were the ones I saved. Looking at one picture of my family in younger years (brothers, sister, mom, dad on a bench), I said that I didn’t really remember taking that exact picture, but yet it was one I choose to transition into. It seems everyone has their own set of saved pictures that you are able to ‘go’ into.

I am writing here exactly what I recorded because I really don’t have the ability to make too much sense of it at this time. It is my hope that someone has some insight as to what it all means, and can share their thoughts!

79) Spontaneous OBE; Impulsiveness Learning

10.25-26.08 Awakened 12:30a

I was once again surprised to discover I was able to spontaneously enter into an OBE state from the dream state without having to do a lot of preparation prior to sleep. I remember falling to sleep thinking about a recent statement I read that told me it’s a given fact (Universal Law) that anytime you go deeply within and ask for help, it MUST be given.

Despite knowing this previously, somehow this statement resonated even more deeply this time and I felt very comforted to know that help is never far away. I mentally requested this help, to let me understand better what I am to learn and to give me guidance and direction.

I also was thinking upon falling asleep about a recent email I had with another individual who is learning OBE about the use of a falling visualization to induce. Both of these ‘thought patterns’ I feel played a role in my being able to awaken within this dream to get OOB even though I had not ‘set intention’ of traveling that night.

I remember I was dreaming of skydiving and generating that falling sensation and how it must feel to freefall. (I have never skydived in real life, however, I was just asked recently by my daughter if I’d consider it sometime with her, and after only a short pause, said, Yes! :) – the date is still to be determined)

My first recollection was of lying in bed, but different than the one I was in. However, I was aware of movement sensations within my body, and having learned you never just dismiss any chance to get OOB, I decided I’d just roll out and see what happens!

I found myself OOB, standing next to the bed, and having the strongest pulling sensation ever tugging at me to get back in body! I was adamant that I was not going back yet, and remember pulling and pulling without a lot of success. I remembered, ‘to the door!’ which didn’t work (maybe because I did not see a door!) and nearly fell back into body. I looked back to the bed, saw the vague outline of me sleeping and then paused a moment to try to think of what to do next.

I then tried, ‘to the outside!’ and amazingly I was immediately transported to another location. This OBE start up was different in that I was not in my usual ‘real life’ room, yet still knew I was out and able to go places just by affirming my intent.

I found myself in a small house-like building with many rooms, with at least two other male individuals. Again, many memories are lost with the transition back to waking consciousness, however, I was able to request help in retaining some information and this is what I was able to record.

I was enjoying myself in this house, going from room to room, doing something that was helping me to learn to move about in this realm. I remember seeing walls and doors, and enjoying the fact that I could just move through them without a concern. What exactly I was doing in each room, however, is lost to recall.

I knew there was a younger male in the house with me, who may have been the one who brought me here, but there was no interaction with him. I was more interested in the ‘older’ male, who gave the feeling of being ‘in charge’. He was busy working within each room as well, yet I was doggedly following after him, asking question after question in order to better understand whatever I was learning. I was not bothered at all that he would continue to work as we talked, as that is exactly how I do things…multi-tasking!

As we entered one room, I looked outside the window and saw a beautiful pure white crystalline ‘ocean’ of some kind, one that had small scale-like pure white crystals moving gently and regularly (like an ocean surf would) next to the house.

I immediately wanted to go out to see this firsthand, and without thinking twice, popped through the side of the house nearest that window and going out. I was surprised to find it was so cold! I remember standing there with my ‘feet’ in the crystals feeling the cold, watching the waves of crystal surround me. I walked a short distance in the white crystals, to the other end of the house, and knew to just ‘pop’ back inside the house through another wall.

I found myself in another room, one with an older ‘storage’ type feeling, and thought, ‘yup, this is the right room for this end of the house’ so I knew I was where I was back where I was supposed to be.

It was after that crystal ocean experience that I remember walking up to the older male and specifically asking, “I know I have learned you can travel anywhere just by thought, but why can’t I go visit my mother?” The question in general felt it had more to do with visiting any other people who are still in physical while I was OOB.

His response was felt more than heard, so this is the idea of our discussion. He said that I had not learned the ‘control’ that is necessary yet, as I was still a bit headstrong in my actions while OOB. I did not take the time to see the ‘connections’ that are being given to me, yet I remember saying (in my defense) that at least I DID make the ‘connection’ even though it wasn’t the way he was trying to get me to do it. I knew I was smiling as I know I DO do that!

He gave two examples of ‘connections/associations’ he had been trying to send me, and this is difficult to write as it really doesn’t make sense once awake (but it made perfect sense at that time!) He showed me the ‘lead crystals beads’ hanging on a lamp, and then the same ‘lead crystals’ in another part of the room. I was supposed to make the connection between these two to learn something; however, I did it my own way and made the ‘connection/association’ via a different means. I have absolutely no recall as to what the other example was, but it made perfect sense at that time.

I believe he was trying to point out that I do not take the time that is necessary to learn the small steps, always wanting to go explore and take off on my own. (Yes, I am guilty of this, I know! – see my first OOB in my blog (#1) when I just took off without waiting for my helpers! In hindsight, I also believe the exit through the house to the crystal ocean was another example of my impatience and curiosity!)

I followed him into another room as he worked and this room felt more like his ‘private’ room. I recall thinking maybe I shouldn’t be here, as I noticed another female standing by the door with a Bluetooth type headset on her ear, talking. There was no interaction with her, but I thought I might be intruding on some privacy issue.

However, I immediately ‘knew’ that there is no privacy in this realm and that all thoughts and actions are capable of being seen by all others – (this may have been a new learning for me) – so I was no longer concerned about being there. Similarly, I realize the presence of ‘walls and doors’ in the astral are there but are not used for the same ‘privacy’ and blocking, as anyone can just go through them with ease.

Nothing in our discussion was felt to be neither critical nor blameworthy. It was felt to be a learning process and I understood and accepted all that I was being told without a concern. He began speaking again showing me more information when I felt that sharp transition to waking consciousness.

I know once I feel that transition I will be awake, so I always try to remain within that altered consciousness as long as I can to tag my experiences with single words for recall upon waking. I remember frantically realizing I had NO words to tag with, and mentally requested help to please let me remember something! Words then came to me and I was able to remember this much for recording, however, there was SO much more that was lost!

Generally speaking though, this experience has shown me that perhaps I need to take more time to slowly learn the proper processes before trying to go do things on my own in the astral. I am not sure exactly how this relates to my physical life, except perhaps to tell me that I need to slow down and take more time to focus on my own needs so that I may be more aware of the connections and associations being presented to me.

78) Finally! Revealing My Guide!

10/15/08

This was an unplanned and unexpected surprise, as I had no direct ‘intention’ or focus on trying to have an OBE last night! So it is even better (to me) that it was totally spontaneous!

I remember lying in bed (not my usual ‘traveling couch’!), feeling like I’m awake, but very relaxed, wondering if it is near time to get up. I realize that it feels like my legs are floating, and in a position that just couldn’t be possible (up off to the right somewhere!)

I think initially, ‘it can’t be my usual signal for OBE because I’m so awake’, yet still, it FELT just like it was! So, not wanting to take any chance (that’s one thing I have learned with this OBE process!), I tell myself I’ll just roll out and see what happens!!

An interesting (and unexpected) twist to my roll out is that I now feel like I’m ‘oozing’ out, and sliding very gently off the side of the bed and hanging. I even remember thinking, ‘wow, if I’m really physically doing this, then my husband (who is sleeping next to me) is certainly going to think I’m strange hanging off the side of the bed in this position!’ It almost felt as though I was actually ‘peeling myself’ out of body!!

So I’m standing by the bed, and have the absolute best clarity of thinking and vision that I have ever had! It was so clear that I thought I was actually physically out of bed! I moved to the door, and was SO surprised to get my validation that I am indeed out of body when my hand and arm go easily through the bedroom porch door!

Thrilled to be out unexpectedly again, and with such clarity of feeling and vision, I take off flying over the yard. I recall seeing everything just as it is for ‘real’, and am just ecstatic that I do my usual aerial acrobatics for fun!

Once again, as with my last experience, I feel someone’s hand on mine. This time, however, I have the clarity of mind to say, “I want to see who you are!!”

We continue on together, and I recall walking along with him in a garden-type area, conversing. He was next to me, but not visible to me, and I don’t remember all we talked about. But I do know at one point I told him I need to ‘see’ him and learn his name!

There was such a light-hearted fun feeling with him, as there always is when I’m with my guide in past experiences. He knew I wanted to ‘see’ him, so he had some fun with me in showing first just an glowing outline of him, and I said laughingly, “no fair, show me more!”

I watched intently as he ‘faded’ in to full form – a young male with medium length straight dark hair, average height, white shirt, dark pants – and a very familiar warm smile!! I remember him from other experiences, having glimpses of him, yet never being sure who he was.

He lightheartedly tells me he’s the one who ‘plays with my feet’ to try to get me to go out of body! There has been many times I have felt hands on my feet at various points of exiting (see my blog), and now I know who my helper is!

We walk toward an elevator and now I don’t even think to ask him his name!! However, he knew I wanted it and had this next encounter arranged so that he would not have to directly tell me his name (as again, I believe I requested this prior to incarnating this life).

As we near the elevator, I am surprised to see a male co-worker (actual nurse, still alive) walk toward the same elevator we are going to. My guide says to him, “Hi T.T., ICU” (in the same intonation manner that T.T. uses in real life here to answer the phone every day at work!).

T.T. answers him, as we all get into the elevator, “Hi Richard!” and I exclaim excitedly to my guide, “It’s Richard! Your name is Richard! Do you know how long I’ve tried to find that out?” (which of course he knows! lol)

He starts talking to me, as the elevator starts to move, about being with me ‘back when…’ and I’m having a hard time focusing as I feel I’m waking. I was left with the impression that he has been with me many lifetimes and will continue to be with me in the future.

I woke with such contentedness and joy, mentally thanking Richard for this revelation, and then surprised to hear his “You’re welcome, Karen!” within my mind while I’m lying there fully awake!

COMMENTARY:
I wanted to add my thoughts about this experience now that I've had a day to digest what happened. Somehow I feel the 'click out' in the previous experience (#77) with my desire to travel to my Higher Self played a role in this meeting.

I have always felt the reason I could not get a name from my helpers is because I had given the request for no direct contact with my guides for this physical incarnation, as it fits my thinking to want to do this 'on my own' if I could...

However, I feel that perhaps the connection with my Higher Self resulted in me giving 'myself' permission for this meeting to occur!! It just seems to 'fit'...I have no way of knowing if this is true, except for what my 'intuition' is telling me!

77) Higher Self; Click Out

10/12/08

I became aware within a dream that I was once again driving, having arrived at a crossroads that had some sort of anomaly in it (unusual road sign?), and had that slight hesitation of doubt as to whether I am really driving, which allowed me to become aware of my dream state.

I did not take the time to look at my hands (my usual way of determining readiness), but just jumped backward quickly without a care as to whether I was really driving or not! I remember even thinking, “Well, I certainly hope I’m not really driving!”, but yet my subconscious knows that if I have to have even a shred of doubt, then it’s my signal to exit!

I then rolled off the couch, feeling the usual pulling and tugging, and used the affirmation ‘to the door!’ with ease. Again I was in total darkness, blind, yet still aware of where I had to go. As I moved through the front door, I remembered I wanted to go to my Higher Self, to seek guidance and support from the one place that I know I will get the best answers from.

I paused on the front porch, briefly thinking I’d like to go see G.S., but more importantly wanted to see where my Higher Self would take me.

I did a small jump, affirmed ‘to my Higher Self” and started floating upward, moving quickly backward through blackness. What is interesting here is that I ended up back inside the house, once again floating gently above my sleeping body, fully aware I am still out of body.

This time, however, there was a big difference in feeling, in that I merely had to ‘step out’ to move away. The clarity of this experience was in stark contrast to my first exit! I was fully conscious, with perfect vision, and feeling so much more in control and ‘clear’ in all aspects! This exit felt to be on a much higher level or vibration.

I moved again to the front door and out, clearing seeing my yard and beautiful night sky, and once again started floating up gently and peacefully. I vaguely remember seeing the scenery change into something I know is not here in ‘real life’.

It is at this point I would have to say for the first time ever, I must have ‘clicked out’ in a sense. I have absolutely no memories (not even vague knowings/feelings of activities like I usually have) from the scenery change to the next recall.

The next recall was one of profound peace, joy, and contentedness…drifting gently, listening to the most beautiful music! The music was most interesting in that it wasn’t just ‘musical notes’ I heard, but actual feelings, emotions, and even messages I was receiving while listening to it!

I also knew that I was going back to body, making a peaceful, leisurely return, and then thought I’d like to get in just a few aerial acrobatics before returning!! I remember doing two forward rolls, enjoying the sensations, and noticing that someone is just off to my left as he (male feeling) lightly touched my left hand to tell me he was there.

Thoroughly enjoying myself, I mentally had a conversation with this person, and the only memory of our discussion was just before re-entry when I lightheartedly bargained with him, ‘well, I’ll go back because I have to record this experience, but only on the condition that I will definitely get out again!’ lol

I had the most gentle return to body I have ever had, lightly settling in, becoming slowly aware of loud rushing sounds that usually precedes my OBEs, most prominently heard in the center of my forehead. It was unusual for me to hear this upon return.

There were other dreams I had after this, but I did not record them. I have no excuse for why not, except to say that I felt (at the time) there was nothing that needed to be recorded! That again is most unusual, as I do try to record everything knowing that I may not be of enough ‘conscious’ mind at the time to make that decision to record or not!

Commentary for # 76 Intense Experience

I'd like to share some insight I have received from others who have traveled this path. My thanks goes to Dallyup52 for his view of the 'powerful experience' I had:

"This melding is way more important and meaningful to me than any physical sexual experience has been in this reality. The merging for me gets me back, at times, to the soul state and I never want to leave that state. The place of the soul is what many refer to as cosmic consciousness or nirvana. I miss this experience terribly when I am not in it. Some people seem to assist the process in obtaining this state of being."

With regard to the loss of memories and recall I have, Dallyup52 shares these thoughts:

"There are many times that I have gone so far out that the memory is in my experience but I can not bring it over into words. I know that it is there but has not migrated over to the place that my brain can word it. That's okay with me ... used to bother me.

Then there are the places that I go that I watch the memory split into pieces and rearrange themselves into a jumble as I slowly come back to this reality. Try putting those into words. Just isn't going to happen. The energies in those places are just not arranged like they are here.

Then there are the experiences of places that are like a million words of thought and I just don't have the time or energy to sort it all out yet I do have it inside of my experience. It isn't lost.

Then there are the times that I am me but I don't have this memory set. I am a different person (so to speak).....These memories are difficult to assimilate into one's brains with this present memory set. I have tried before to see what it was like and it is very confusing, to say the least .....I now do it with much filtering. And it is harder to remember.... like reading a book where all the names are Indian (unfamiliar stuff) and I can't keep track of the characters because their names don't stick....."

I totally agree with his additional comment: "This stuff is just so much fun as well as being meaningful."

Annsie also offered me some additional information that I felt important to share in regards to this experience:

"There is another state of total blissful feeling and utmost harmony that we can experience when we get OOB, without the need of being with your other "soul mates" . Thats when you go really deep into yourself, yet at the same time travel back "home" where the rest of your own soul is residing, merge with this most inner part of yourself can also give you complete bliss and harmony."

This statement rings so true, as it is quite likely the blissful re-union of those portions of our 'selves' that remain behind on the spiritual planes when we incarnate here.

Many thanks to Baphomet as well for his insight into the male/female relationship that I experienced:

"We all contain male and female energies and balancing the two is essential to being whole, IMO. Maybe you have suppressed your male qualities to the point where your subconscious mind felt you needed to experience them? It really has nothing to do with sexual orientation or anything like that.

For me, as a male, it’s been my task to develop my nurturing side, my sense of compassion, my intuition, and all those other ‘female’ qualities that the ‘average male’ lacks. I see your dream as a very positive experience. The opposites uniting into bliss – that’s the soul’s destiny, and it is something that the best sexual union on earth is only a pale imitation of."

76) Intense Meeting; Dual Consciousness

10/5/08

I am going to share with you this experience, but please know that it’s probably the most personal post I’ll ever put up. There was an INTENSE part of this experience, but it was wrapped in such unusual circumstances that I am not sure what to think of it but do feel it may be important to share because of its unusual intensity.

It begins with an awareness of a strong feeling that I am now a MALE energy in this 'therapists' office, and I see a female knocking at the entrance door asking for this therapist by name. I knew this therapist was one who counseled 'stars' so I said to her, "Wow you must be a star!" (She was my age, dark hair, actually very similar in appearance to myself! Me?) I invite her in to wait and we spend a long time talking (but have no specific recall of what!)

At one point we are both sitting on a piano(?) stool, and I say something about anticipating that in 90 minutes before 'kids come home' (?) (and I even remember looking at a clock), I plan on being done with what we planned to do. She said something about "it's been a long while, and you may not perform as well as you feel you should", and I said "I don't intend to disappoint", then began melding or curling up into each other into absolutely exquisite sensations of pure bliss and contentment. I just can't put words to describe the sensation as it was NOT like physical sex, but a more mental/emotional 'melting' into a culmination of pure bliss and joy! (OK, here is where I'm really thankful that I cannot see anyone’s reaction!! lol)

I began to slowly awaken immediately thereafter with such a warm, loving, complete feeling....yet the intensity and depth of these feelings just could not be sustained upon pulling back to full awareness! I can't describe the difference, but there was so much more 'completeness'(?) to my emotions/feelings yet I could not bring that same intensity of feelings back to conscious waking.

I record that experience and then find myself unable to return to sleep for a while trying to figure out why I can’t ‘feel’ those emotions in this waking state.

Eventually, I become aware of being in a barber-type chair, and feeling the spinning sensation as the chair rotated. I was able to take this spinning sensation and consciously push it faster, knowing it would allow me to get OOB, which it does! I am aware once again of 'floating body parts', with my legs moving up, down, all over in the most unusual positions!

I find myself now standing in another hallway, one I have been to before, yet not known where it is. I walk down the hallway to where it opens at the end into rooms on my left and right. I take time to verify I am OOB by looking at my hands and seeing them melt away - a signal that tells me I am definitely OOB. Somehow there is the color blue associated with these rooms, but yet I do not recall why/how.

Remembering I wanted to do 'Inward now!' I attempted to spin and go within but without any success! I tried a second time, and again without any results. Suddenly I'm aware of strong (male energy) arms that are coming from behind me and wrapping around my arms and holding my hands. I am SO enjoying this warm embrace and loving energy, I hold tight to his hands and don't want to let go! I show myself this is all 'real' by taking his hands and clapping them in a rhythm, then squeezing his fingers and then thumbs, just to experience the fact that they really are there!

Again, I know there was more interaction with this 'person', but the memories did not find its way back to full consciousness. This warm, loving embrace remained with me even as I became more aware when my CD player decided it would suddenly turn on by itself (!) and play the meditative music I had listened to prior to sleep! I KNOW I turned off the CD player earlier that night, but somehow it was on once again and now I am able to be nearly awake (out of the OOBE mindstate) and STILL able to feel the warm embrace of those 'otherwordly' arms holding me! I remained quietly enjoying this embrace for as long as I dared before I had to pull myself to full wakefulness to record the events I could still remember!

Once again, it felt as though I was pulled from this OBE mind state of bliss and contentment, but this time WHILE I am consciously was aware of the music playing that should not have been! It felt as if I was in ‘both worlds’ at once…

So, you can see why I hesitate to post this, however, I'm hoping I've written it well enough to have everyone understand the depth and strength of emotions. Could this have been another meeting/melding of my ‘Higher Self’? Was this just their way of letting me know that they are with me and are sending me love and guidance? Am I perhaps connecting on a 'higher level' these days and that is why I can't remember much? Was it a learning process to show me that I am not able to relate ALL my experiences accurately?

Still, they should know that I need to share what I am experiencing, so I hope I will be able to improve my recall of my OOBE experiences just a bit more in the future!

Open to any insight and suggestions….thanks!

75) Short OOBEs within LD; Astral Vision (City/Smoke)

10/02/08

My experiences last night were unusual in many ways, mostly in the sense that I was not as in control as I usually like to be. The sequences I will relate are rather disjointed and may have some personal symbolism hidden within them, but I still feel may be beneficial for posting here as I think everyone should know that all my experiences are not always organized and controlled, and may have hidden lessons within them despite their confusion. By sharing them I am hoping that someone has some insight as to what this mixed up mess means!! lol

I became aware of my usual signal of ‘floating body parts’ and was excited to think I was ready to get OOB. Rolling out, I realized I was not on the couch (as I really was) but getting out of a bed, one that was in an unfamiliar room.

I was amazed at the ease of separation and the clarity of my thinking! It was just as if I decided to get up and go – no obvious difference in sensations or thought processes, yet I knew I was OOB. I recall pausing at the end of the bed, wondering if I should look back to the bed to see my 'self', but thought twice of it since I knew I may return to body if I did!

I moved out the bedroom and into a hallway, again one that was not familiar. As I wondered where I was, I felt a ‘dissolving’ sensation, which is my indication that I was too awake to sustain this OOBE.

My concern was realized when I woke completely, and then had much difficulty in returning to the proper mind-state for the next hour or so. This is the longest attempt I have ever had to try to get back to that focused state. This ‘being awake’ worry may have played a part in the next sequence of events. I found myself very much aware of ‘still’ being awake, yet in hindsight, had actually had moved within a lucid dream and yet was not able to take control as I usually do.

Thinking I am having trouble falling asleep, I decided I would go outdoors to see if some fresh air would help. (Why I didn’t realize I was really asleep and dreaming, I don’t know…there was enough unusual ‘signals’ in the next sequence of events that should have triggered my awareness!)

I moved out of the house, yet it was not my house, it was a ‘grandfather’s’ house, yet I do not know whose grandfather. As I exited, I was next to the garage and remarked to myself that I was going to have to clean up all the clutter piled around and it was going to take some time (it seems the clutter was unused building materials, including a long thin light bulb I moved). I also remembered thinking that the ‘grandfather’ that lived here was not going to be able to keep up with the lawn mowing and upkeep of the house, that maybe I should get someone (my son?) to offer to help.

I knew there was a bench in the yard just outside the house and I headed over to it, hoping I’d be able to rest there and travel OOB from that location. It was a plastic type bench, long enough to rest on, and I also remember being glad I was wearing a winter coat with hood, so that the hood would be able to be used as my pillow.

The bench was covered with fine sand, and I had to brush off the sand to prevent getting the coat dirty, knowing that it was put there by the little girl who played in the nearby sandbox earlier. After lying down, I got comfortable and began to relax, hoping to sleep and travel.

However, I was not alone. My husband showed up and was trying to ‘annoy’ me by piling things on top of me! Trying to distract him, I mentioned that he should look at the unusual cloud formations above us. Something about the clouds gave me the signal that I was indeed able to get OOB at that time! I remember rolling off the bench and then feeling the tugging and pulling of yet another difficult separation.

Knowing I had to move away from the bench, I headed straight for the center of the large yard, not really knowing where to go! Standing in the yard, I decided to fly straight up and zoomed into the now starry night! I remember floating among the stars and enjoying their beauty, then yet again after only a few moments of OOB, found myself (supposedly) wide awake back on the bench!

This is where things get confusing. There are these events that happen, that I can ‘see’, and interactions with many different people who come up to the bench. What I ‘see’ (while I'm on the bench) is black smoke rising from a city, and then am able to make out the Empire State building in the distance! My mom is standing there by me on the bench, and I remember holding a pair of glasses with the right side lens cracked and jagged. She tells me she’ll take care of getting them fixed, but I said “no, I’m due for an eye exam anyway so I will.” She also tells me she called someone about the black smoke and reassured me that it would not be a concern for us, as it had something to do with two female pharmacists in the city who were disgruntled and set off a bomb (blew themselves up??)

Thinking I had to start recording these events I was seeing, I fumbled with my recorder, only to find it once again in pieces! I just couldn’t get it back together quick enough and I remember it humming and buzzing even though it was disconnected! Then a radio came on (built into recorder, I guess) and I hear “WABC” and then a different radio station in another language coming through the recorder! A coworker shows up next to the bench now and she starts singing(?)/talking in this other language along with the radio – and I’m surprised she can understand what is being said!

I do finally wake ‘for real’ and realize there is no recorder in my hand, and I try desperately to remember all these details in some semblance of order! The whole time I’m on this bench worrying that I really wanted to get OOB and travel and yet had to deal with all these distractions/people that wouldn’t allow me to focus properly.

My thought process was that I’m still wide awake (as I was previously) when in actuality I was already within a lucid dream and capable of getting out, but felt much too ‘grounded’ in my thinking to be consciously in control of the dream elements. I do know I was able to twice get OOB, but only briefly, each time unwillingly returning, yet not fully awake.

I am just not sure what happened in this mixed up experience but I thought I still should share it to see what other may have for any insight!

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I just thought I'd add a quick addendum here relating to this unusual experience.

It seems after talking with GS (the one I had previously tried connecting with a recent OOBE), it was HIS desire to know if one could actually have an OOBE from WITHIN a LD!!! Additionally, he wanted to know if 'astral vision' was also accessible from within a LD! These were questions he sought more information on...and it seems I helped him find the answer!

I believe that due to his desire and our talks, I was able to experience this to show it IS possible! It's not exactly my usual format for OOBE's, but he feels strongly that this experience DID answer his question!

At least it makes me feel a bit better for having such an unusual inside out experience!