119) Fearful Hands - Preparing for Play

3/21/10

I became aware of a ‘buzzing’ sensation and was excited to know that I was going to get out! Taking the initiative, instead of rolling, I just climbed out! I can still remember now how easy it was!

The next I knew I felt hands grabbing my ankles and it wasn’t the same ‘loving hands’ that I have felt in the past. These were firm, ‘fearful’ hands that made me concerned at once. I moved as if to get away, but the hands followed, moving along different part of my legs, not letting go! I remember thinking I had to get them off – and tried to maintain calm so that I could ‘send love’. It was difficult to do, and I kept moving about to try to shake them off.

I remember ‘swatting’ at them, but to no avail – and even thinking to myself after doing this that it was a silly thing to do since I knew ‘nothing’ was there! There was one particular time I felt very concerned when the hands moved to a more ‘private part’ of my lower body, almost as if trying to ‘scare’ me, but I maintained control and kept moving, which kept the hands moving.

I knew I had to get outside, so affirmed ‘to the door!’ and found myself moving that direction but with much heaviness and difficulty. I keep pulling and tugging toward the door, knowing somehow that once outside I’d be free of these hands.

Finally outside, I was much relieved to feel the hands let go and quickly moved to ‘fly up’ to the tree tops. I remember seeing the branches, leaves…and being so thrilled at my freedom once again! Looking back at the door I just left, I thought I saw my husband there, and called for him to follow me knowing he probably wouldn’t as he does not fully believe in my travels. I hindsight, I am wondering if it wasn’t my husband trying to ‘hold’ me back out of his own fear?

I turned to continue on, and was so surprised to see my dog Buddy once again accompanying me! I remember doing my happy flying flips and swoops, just enjoying the freedom and ‘realness’ of the sensations! It’s been a long time since I was so fully ‘aware’ ….I was thrilled!

The scene changed and I found myself with a large group of people, all recognized as familiar friends and family gathered in a large open ‘auditorium’ type room. I knew we were preparing for another ‘play’ and I was so enjoying seeing everyone and being with them.

The ‘play’ was about to start, and I knew we were ALL to be a part of it! It was a fun, exciting feeling and I remember seeing the racks and racks of beautiful ‘gowns’ and clothing that we will have our choice of wearing for the ‘play’ as it unfolded.

While I’m there having such fun, I remember thinking that I should stop and wake to record what I’ve done so far, but the happiness and bliss I felt was so appealing that didn’t want it to end!

At one point, I hear someone come into the ‘auditorium’ to make an announcement just as the ‘show’ was about to start. Something about ‘unexpectedly unleashed 17,000 cases of TB’ (tuberculosis)…..and they will have to be ‘bio-chemically timed to come back sooner’.

Listening to this announcement, there was no concern or sadness anywhere. It all felt to be a ‘game’ of sorts, a ‘play’ that we all wanted to be a part of and knew we were just happy to have the chance to be there in our personally chosen ‘roles’. There was much laughter and fun, and even knowing this unexpected ‘event’ happened, it was more of a minor ‘scene change’ that we were thrilled to be a part of!

I woke soon after, losing my memories once again so quickly – but still ‘glowing’ in the happiness and joy I felt at being out and with my ‘old friends’!