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Monday, December 15, 2008

88) Facing Fear


I went to bed with the intention of attempting to get OOB and visiting JP should I have the opportunity. Additionally, in looking at the beautiful full moon, I remember thinking just prior to sleep that I wondered what the moon would look like from an OOB perspective. It was a casual thought, and not one that I would call a definite intention, but as you will see, I did remember it!

The first exit I recall was very easy at first, as I became aware of the tingling vibrations that told me I was ready. Immediately my feet started floating up, and so I just climbed out and started moving away to the side door. However, things were very dark and there was the heaviness and pulling sensations I had to fight against. I remember stating ‘clarity now!’ at least twice, and with emotion, but found nothing helped. Before I could even get out the door, I was back in body.

The second exit shortly thereafter also was easy, again with the tingling vibrations and feet floating signal. This time I just stood up and decided to take a different exit from the room – out the window that was on the wall next to the couch above my head.

I knew I could just ‘push’ through the wall, and wanted to make the most of this exit, so I decided to very slowly pass through the wall to the outdoors. I was able to take note of the varying textures as I passed through, and was surprised to see/feel that ‘space’ that is between the inner and outer walls. (Of course there is one in hindsight, but at the time, I didn’t realize it was there but sure felt the difference!)

I stopped half way out as I exited the wall, and turned back to look up at the roof and eaves. I can still ‘picture’ in my mind exactly what it looks like to see the house at this angle, something I would not be able to do in real life!

I turned back and jumped to the ground, again noting a slight difference in its appearance, as flowers were growing next to the house yet there is none there in real life. It was dark inside the house, yet my vision was clear as soon as I exited.

I turned the corner of the house to head for the front yard, and remembered I wanted to see the moon while OOB. I looked up, and sure enough, there it was – but it was not as clear as earlier and seemed to be cloud-covered or very distant.

I then remembered I wanted to go visit JP, but I was suddenly and surprisingly ‘attacked’ by something unusual. I remember seeing a very fleeting image of a white flash of ‘something’ come at me from my right side and could feel it attach itself to my right shoulder. I could hear this spine-chilling continuous “ahhhh” sound right at my right ear on the shoulder, and felt a light vibrating ‘physical’ sensation as well.

I immediately felt a small degree of fear, as this ‘thing’ was uncomfortable and unsettling. The guttural sound it made was continuous and monotone and I attempted to just press forward without giving it any thought. I was trying to keep my fear to a bare minimum as I totally knew whatever it was couldn’t hurt me. (I really don’t know where I get this courage from OOB, because even thinking about it now makes me a bit unsettled!! lol)

The sound/vibration stayed with me as I walked forward and I think I was about to become too fearful to stay OOB when I ‘heard’ the words, “send it love…..send it love”. I remembered talking with others who deal with negativity by facing it and embracing it (thanks Sam!), so I tried initially to ‘think’ of sending love- however, there was no change.

Once again I ‘heard’ the words, “send it love!” and this time without hesitation I turn to face the ‘thing’ with the intention of fully embracing and loving whatever it was….and it disappeared!

I realized I’m fading back to more awareness so now I’m trying to recall the details and talking to myself to impress the memories into my consciousness. This makes me think I’m recording the experience already, yet when I do awaken fully, I realize I have nothing recorded and still have to work hard to recall some of the details! I may have forgotten some minor aspects, but this is the best I could recall.

I am not sure what exactly this ‘thing’ was – it could have been just a ‘fear thought form’ that surfaced suddenly or may even have been something to do with the fact that there IS a 1700-1900 cemetery on that side of the house that I was walking past while OOB! I did not get a good visual on its appearance other than the white flash.

As I listen to my recordings now, I find I did get out a third time last night, however, my sleepy voice on the recorder only keeps repeating the same words, “it’s a learning situation” because whoever I was with the third time was impressing upon me that ‘it was only a learning situation’. The only other words I recorded were “it doesn’t help”….and “a long time spent learning”…, for this final OBE, I haven’t a clue what I was doing! lol

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