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Wednesday, January 12, 2011
136) Personal Growth by Facing Fears
For this experience, I had moved to the couch as usual, and had much difficulty getting into my meditative state of mind to relax. With a busy past few weeks, I had not had the time to put much effort into meditation and mind relaxation, and this may have impacted my OBE.
After continued attempts, I was thrilled to feel slight vibrations and willed them to become stronger. It did, but I could not sustain that higher level. I was disappointed to think I might not be able to travel. Soon after though, I found myself in an ‘odd’ state of mind, not really sure if I was awake or asleep!
Having learned never to question what’s going on and just take advantage of any ‘confusion’ as to my status, I decided I’d just roll out and see what happened. I couldn’t roll, and after a few attempts, I gave up and said I must be awake, so I just stood up.
I could feel my ‘physicalness’, even to the point where I was removing the blanket off my body and dropping it to the floor! Something was different though, as my head felt very odd…almost as if I was in two places at once. There was this pressure in my head that gave me enough consideration that maybe I could be OOB despite how it felt! (In hindsight, I’m wondering if perhaps I wasn’t fully ‘out’)
I started walking to the front door, knowing that if I AM OOB that I’d be able to move right through it. I remember having the concern that I was going to hit the door hard with my physical body if I was not, so I put my arm out so it wouldn’t hurt so badly!
I was thrilled to feel the ‘crackle’ of the texture change as I passed through the door, to find myself on my front step. It was dark and I still did not feel in much control and slightly confused. I affirmed ‘clarity now!’ a few times, and finally something came into view.
I saw water flooding the area in my front yard, and now more confident of my status, knew I could just walk on the water to move. (*What is interesting to note here, is that I had just recently thought about how the mind is able to effect what seems to be impossible tasks for the physical body – specifically the idea of walking through fire and on water as noted in many religious texts*)
After enjoying the ability to ‘walk on water’, I then realized I don’t even need to walk, I could fly! I fly skyward and quickly found myself in another environment.
I am now in an area with lots of people, no one familiar, going about their daily business. I’m following a group around, talking (but cannot recall about what!), moving through the various rooms. At one point, I told the group that I could fly and they didn’t believe me! They were very emphatic that I was not going to be able to do so, and their determination gave me increased concerns that maybe I really wasn’t! Because of their strong beliefs, I recall having a difficult time remembering that I WAS OOB and knew I could!
To prove my point, I found some stone stairs that went up to another level overlooking where the group of people stood waiting. I was feeling a bit apprehensive, but somehow knew I was OOB. (I do think that I had enough awareness to remember that if I questioned my status even a little bit, that I am always OOB!) That gave me enough courage to just jump…and was thrilled to find myself flying a short distance, drifting gently down to where they stood. They were astounded at my ability to do this! I reveled in my success, exclaiming, See, I told you! I can fly!”
I found I couldn’t really control the flying as I can sometimes do, but it was enough to verify that I was still OOB and visiting these individuals. The only other recollection after this was being asked to help take down some hanging ‘decorations’(?) that hung high above their area ( since they knew I could fly now!) I immediately flew up, took them down, and returned them to the man in charge of the tour. It was while I was up high gathering the decorations that I noticed the ceiling of this area was dome shaped, hence the reason I recorded this as a ‘cave’ initially.
Just before I left that area, I saw my ex-husband in another section and we had some personal discussion that made me feel he understood what all had to happen in our lives and that it was ”meant to be that way” but he was still working out his own issues with how to cope with it.
It was after this that I was aware enough to know I have to get this recorded before I forget, so I took out my recorder, and was surprised to see the screen starting showing all these funny numbers and Chinese like characters on the backlit panel. Having just changed the batteries prior to bed, I thought initially, “Oh no, it is broken!” Then realizing that this is likely a false awakening (as I have had this same ‘broken recorder’ theme multiple times in OBE endings) , I feel myself ‘snap to’ a lighter state where I thought I was now wide awake and proceeded to record (or so I thought so!)
I was quite surprised when immediately I felt someone coming up to the couch, where I am now sitting upright. The atmosphere felt much different than the previous environment, very ‘realistic’ and very physical.
Looking up, I saw my sister crying uncontrollably, and I felt sadness that I had not been a bigger part of her life, that there were things I should have done and didn’t. On my left, I see my younger brother move toward me, again feeling upset and concerned with some personal feelings, and without any time to think, my daughter comes in front of me! She is also sharing some feelings and concerns that go to a personal level and I cannot share here, but the general feeling I am having is sadness and distress that things could not have been done differently in our lives.
Surprisingly, another woman then accompanies my daughter, standing in front of other woman came up talking to me, I’m not really afraid of her but feeling quite concerned. She had a strong forceful presence, and at one point feel her grab my hand tightly. I was insistent that she tell me who she is, asking over and over, “who are you?” My daughter and her both were saying something like they are trying to ‘make me better’ and I felt so many emotions…. fear, sadness, regret, anger…but all at the same time!
Realizing I was not making the situation better, I remembered to just ‘let go’ of all attachments and current emotions. At this point the woman faded away, and I turned to my daughter and asked, “who was that?” I recorded that she gave me a name, but I had no recall as to the specific name only that it was someone she knew from “high school” (?). (It was only after waking did I remember that maybe it would have been a different ending had I ‘sent love’ instead of just letting go….)
For more background on this experience, I had just read in Jurgen Ziewe’s book, Multidimension Man, about his encounters with a Master and learning to overcome his fears while OOB, especially the fear of death. Jurgen had to obtain the proper mindset to face a doorway with daggers in order to move out of this room he was in. I remember thinking as I read this part of the book, that this fear of dying while OOB is an especially hard lesson to learn. But it is when you DO know that you CANNOT be harmed, and can take that confidence with you, you are able to move through to other areas where you learn more about yourself.
I am now thinking that this last part of the OBE, as it was a more personal experience that I could relate to with family issues, was more for my own learning benefit, to face those feelings that I fear most, and to learn to let go of them.
Addendum: MANY THANKS to Kerry for her beautifully designed pictures that offer a visual perspective to my experience! Outstanding work!
at 11:52 AM