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Thursday, February 26, 2009

98) Controlling Fear, Sending Love

I moved to the couch about 3am with the intention of attempting to travel. My first recollection was not one of a direct OBE, but it seemed to relate to the general theme of the night’s events so I am writing that here as well.

I found myself in a local shopping mall parking lot at night, looking for a parking space. I notice many other cars there, all trying to squeeze into spots available. I park my car, and start walking toward the building when I notice that the lights are out and I can barely see!

I know I saw a curb and avoided that, trying to remain in the roadway. It became pitch black, and I became aware of others walking near me as I could hear them talking. I sensed a bit of fear, because I didn’t know who these people were and then became aware of ‘hearing’ my own thoughts!

I heard the words, ‘fear’ and ‘bad guy’ and felt like someone was coming after me! I was being forced to the ground, but amazingly I kept under control and just went with the flow, not fighting anything because somehow I ‘knew’ I could not be hurt! The entire experience faded with that thought…and I awoke.

Getting back to sleep with the intention of travel again, I now find myself in full vibrations, knowing I can separate. I roll out as usual, but this time it is the difficult separation in that I felt so heavy and out of control. I could barely move, and it was only with strong affirmations of “to the door!” that I moved to the dining room.

I stopped because I thought I heard someone say something, and asked, “Is anyone there?” I received no response and decided to just move outdoors as I didn’t feel ‘stable’ enough to maintain much of this experience. In hindsight, however, it may have been the man you will read about at the end of this experience.

Moving outdoors, I see the familiar trees in my yard and it gives me validation that I am out. (Despite my frequent OBE’s, I still feel reassured when I see things that validate my experience!) Without a specific destination planned, I use my preferred ‘to my higher self!’ affirmation to go wherever my spirit feels I will learn best.

I zoom up to the dark sky, seeing tiny dots of white lights in the blackness as I move forward. It changes to the sensation of the backward black tunnel – and it continues for quite a while! When it stops, though, I find myself once again back on the couch, feeling like I’m awake!

With hesitating, I just roll back off the couch and once again, find it is heavy and difficult to move. Affirming ‘to the door!’ I move to the front door and still find my movements difficult and not as clear as they can be.

I move to the front yard and still feeling heavy and ‘grounded’ as I lie on the soft grass. Looking up, I see my parent’s house next door, and decide I’d like to just go see what’s going on over there. However, no amount of affirmations or intentions made me move!

As I’m lying there, I’m wondering what’s happening? I look to my hands and see they are ‘glowing’, signaling and validating that I am indeed out of body, just hindered in my movements.

I spy a bit of paper lying near me and I start to pick up the long strip of paper, wondering “what is this for?” It appears to be EKG paper (familiar strips of long paper I use regularly at work in the hospital) and as I move to pick the continuous strip of paper up, I notice it is wrapped completely around my house, from end to end!!

My thoughts at that time were that somehow it was showing me that this experience would be ‘work-related’, but I am still not sure how it is. I also remember thinking, “I can’t let experience go too long as I need to record it”, but then decided I didn’t do too much, so I wouldn’t stop the experience yet!

As I realize there is just too much paper here to pick up, I let go of it…only to find myself immediately back in body on the couch! Thinking I’m awake, but not being sure, I am able to roll out and once again find myself standing in the living room.

This time it was an easy roll out, and I even remember thinking, ‘wow, third time’s the charm!’ As I begin to move away, I am aware of someone standing just behind me, off to my right.

I see the dark shape of a man, with a growling ‘zombie-like’ voice that says, “Give me more medicine now!” He grabs both my hands and holds them tight!

Somehow I am able to maintain control of my fear, even though I’m backing up to move away! I know I can’t be hurt, but it was an intense ‘sound’ to his voice, and the ‘physical’ grasp of his hands was very real!

He repeated “Give me more medicine now!” and I remember thinking I have to do something, but what? So I say, “Go to the Light!” (Not really knowing why I said this!) He continues to hold my hands and growl, so I reaffirm, “go to the Light!”

I have the ‘knowing’ that there is more I need to do, but I cannot think clearly enough to remember with this very real sensation of physical touch. So I add, “go to the Light NOW!” hoping that this would help, only to realize as he released my hands that I should have sent him Love!

I believe this experience was a learning one to show me that I still need some help in remembering that it is Love that conquers all fear! I am able to control the fear, and maintain the experience, however, I need to also remember that in order to help, and I have to send Love in return.

These experiences with fear, both my own created thoughts of fear (as in the parking lot) and actual fear with ‘close’ encounters were given to show me that in order to move ahead, I must learn to emanate Love to all I meet.

1 comment:

Nigel said...

To me, the message in this experience is that you fear and feel trapped by some sort of hostility at work (be it real or imagined), but you realise that it can be overcome by maintaining love as a predominant emotion throughout the working day!

Good luck!